Is there anyone who can help me correct it?

[littlebaby]

hihi everybody,
I am now writing a letter for the job I am looking for. Here is my letter.
hihi,
nice to meet you all. My name is XXX. I am a 23 years old girl living in Hong Kong.
I have just worked in ABC Hospital for 6 months. I have been a general service assistant there. The jobs I have to do there are vehicles register and to show people where some departments of the hospital are. It is boring and I haven't done it well. But please don't mind. Actually, the contract is soon to be ended. And I have to look for a new job.
I am now looking for a clerical job here. I live in TM and I prefer to work in TM Hospital or CP Hospital. Is there any problem? If no, will you employ me? If you employ me, I will try my best to finish all the tasks I have anyway. And I hope I can work happily with any of my colleagues there. Anyway, I am looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you for taking the time to read what I have written.
Yours faithfully,
XXX
Is there anything wrong?
And one more question, if you are the employer, will you employ me?
Please give me some advice ^_^

[Tdol]

This letter doesn't work for me- you say things like 'I haven't done well', the tone is not formal enough. I'd do something like this:
Dear xxxx


I have been working in ABC hospital for six months as a general service assistant and I would like to move into a clerical position, a job that I would be able to discharge professionally and diligently, in TM hospital or CP hospital, as I live in TM.

Should you require any further information, please contact me.

Thanking you in advance, I look forward to hearing from you.

[littlebaby]

Thank you for your advice, Tdol.
I think it is very helpful to me.
Acutally, I don't have any requirement for further information. Thanks anyway ^_^