Why is the second sentence better?

[dmarsh96003]

My wife says my writing is choppy and doesn't flow well. Below is an example. Can you please tell me why the second sentence sounds better?

Thank you.


1. I need to look at some sentences from some favorite passages and break them down for the grammar value.


2. Grammar value is important to my writing so I need to look at some favorite passages for structure.

[Mariner]

It's all a matter of context and style. Personally, I don't find the second sentence that much better. (Ok, it is a bit more tidy, but chances are that I wouldn't have perceived any difference during a casual conversation)

However, as I mentioned already, it is a matter of style and context. So, it depends on whether you write a letter to your manager or an email to your friend.

In my humble opinion, both sentences could be improved. What I would change in both would be the prepositional phrases at the end.

1. I need to look at some sentences from some favorite passages and break them down for the grammar value.

2. Grammar value is important to my writing so I need to look at some favorite passages for structure.

How about something like that:
3. Grammar is important to my writing, so I need to look at the structure of some favorite passages

[rewboss]

In the second sentence, I would add a comma after "writing", but that's probably optional.

Without seeing the rest of the text -- or at least a paragraph or two -- I can't say which is an improvement. But they actually mean slightly different things.

The first sentence is a simple statement of fact. There are two things you need to do: look at some sentences; and break the sentences down.

The second sentence states one thing you need to do -- look at some sentences -- and the reason you need to do that -- grammar is important.

Those are two completely different sentences. Your wife has probably edited the whole passage, moving information from one sentence to another, combining some sentences, separating others. It's impossible to say.