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#1
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Oh and if anyone can revise my sentence so that it looks neater and less wordy, I would really appreciate it. Last edited by HaraKiriBlade; 30-Nov-2006 at 04:11. |
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#2
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The legislation, signed by The United States President, George W Bush basically gives gun manufacturers immunity from lawsuits over damage caused by their products. A similar attitude is reflected in an article in the September/October 2005 edition of ?? This bit doesn't make sense?? Is this the name of the publication?entitled 'Gun Makers Get Off' which suggests... |
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#3
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| Quote:
Well even with the format I would be still wrong, as I probably needed a word to separate the publisher and the title. 'Entitled' works nicely, thank you very much! And as for your suggestion about omitting 'which'... your revision means different thing from what I'm trying to get across. I guess my sentence was that confusing, eh? and comes to think of it, I should've included previous sentences for better understanding. What I'm trying to get across in my sentence is this: The article "Gun Makers Get Off" suggests that the gun immunity legislation demonstrates similar attitude to that of gun manufacturers, whose gun distribution system displays total lack of concern for harms caused by their products. The gun manufacturer part is the previous sentences I didn't include when asking the question. (I'm such a dumb@$$!) Here I shamelessly ask for yet another revision with the new added information. I would truly appreciate your work. And I still want to know whether 'which' has to be placed right next to what it modifies and it can only modify one word or it can modify a whole phrase before it. I would be very grateful if you could answer this question. All in all, I thank you very much. Last edited by HaraKiriBlade; 30-Nov-2006 at 04:52. |
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#4
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| How about this? as the article Gun Makers Get Off in September / October 2005 edition of Multinational Monitor suggests, “Under the bill, victims of gun violence would only be able to sue gun makers if they sold a weapon knowing it would be used to commit a crime.” |
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