a letter, application for employment

[littlebaby]

hello everybody, here is my application letter for employment..

Self-Introduction:
Hello, nice to meet you all. My name is choco. I am a 23 years old girl living in Tuen Mun. I like reading story books, surfing the Internet, watching television, listening to music and etc.

Why am I writing this letter:
Actually, I have seen your advertisement of employing contract general service assistant (clerical)/clerk III on the website of Hospital Authority. I am interested in doing so. And now I am writing a letter to apply for such position.

My work experience:
I had worked in Pok Oi Hospital as a temporary general service assistant for 6 months. The jobs I had to do there were cleaning, escorting patients, vehicles register and to indicate people where some departments of the hospital are. The job was boring and I did not do it very well. But please don’t mind. And then I am now working in Tuen Mun Hospital as a temporary general service assistant. I have just worked here for 2 months. And I think I do it well. I can handle whatever my boss requested. However, the contract lasts for 4 months only. And I don’t know whether they will continue the contract with me.

What I do think of working in Tuen Mun Hospital:
In addition, I like working in Tuen Mun Hospital. I think the working environment is good and the colleagues are good too. I do not talk with them so much but sometimes we are gathering together for lunch and we are happy indeed.

Why do I think I can do this job:
I think I am a responsible, polite, "on-time" person. If you employ me, I must try my best to do and finish everything I have. And I don’t mind working overtime.
Also, I don’t mind working in other Hospitals. But I think working in Tuen Mun or Castle Peak Hospital is the best as I live in Tuen Mun. May you consider my application? Anyway, thank you for taking time to read my letter.

is there any grammatical errors? if then, please tell me here..and also, what is the adjective of "on-time", I mean "on-time" for work..not being late for work..anyway, please give me some advice, thank you!

[Ouisch]

A job application letter should be more formal and business-like. I would leave your first paragraph off (the self-introduction). Those are things you will discuss in the interview.

Under "Work Experience" do not mention that you were bored, or that you didn't perform the job very well. You should only make positive statements when applying for a job.

Instead of "vehicles register" say "vehicle registration." Instead of "to indicate people where some departments of the hospital are," say "informing, assisting and directing patients and visitors as necessary."

Instead of "I think I am a responsible person" or "I think I can do a good job", make positive statements. "I am a reponsible person and am confident that I can do a good job."

I don't think you need to mention liking your colleagues or lunching with them. Save that information for the interview.

Instead of "on-time" say "punctual."

Good luck!

[littlebaby]

Thank you Ouisch!
Your suggestion is very helpful!