Comma Placement

[crussell]

Additionally, the research that stimulates intellectual growth, enhances and facilitates student learning, and adds to the scientific knowledge base of the academy in six (6) critical subject content areas.

Is this comma placement correct?

Subsequently, data from our collective research projects would be utilized to strengthen a data bank that would be more distinctive in addressing issues, problems, and concerns relative to violence; as well as pedagory for working with at-risk children, youth and families in the Southeastern region of the United States.

Is the semicolon correct?

One more question...

How many more children will be "robbed" of their "childhood" and "adolescence"?

Would the ? go outside the puncutation. I thought it always went inside?????

THANKS!!

[Anglika]

Additionally, the research that stimulates intellectual growth, enhances and facilitates student learning, and adds to the scientific knowledge base of the academy in six (6) critical subject content areas.

Is this comma placement correct?This sentence is incomplete. I would expect a comma after "areas" and a concluding clause.

Subsequently, data from our collective research projects would be utilized to strengthen a data bank that would be more distinctive in addressing issues, problems, and concerns relative to violence; as well as pedagory for working with at-risk children, youth and families in the Southeastern region of the United States.

Is the semicolon correct? No. No punctuation required. What is "pedagory"? And try to avoid two "woulds" in one sentence.

One more question...

How many more children will be "robbed" of their "childhood" and "adolescence"?

Would the ? go outside the puncutation. I thought it always went inside????? Outside. The words are being highlighted.

THANKS!!

..

[crussell]

Thank you for your assistance. In the following paragraph, I took out the second would and replaced it with creating a distinction. Does this sound better?

Thanks!

Subsequently, data from our collective research projects would be utilized to strengthen a data bank creating a distinction in addressing issues, problems, and concerns relative to violence as well as pedagogy for working with at-risk children, youth and families in the Southeastern region of the United States.

[Anglika]

I think I would have said "that will be more distinctive". I am slightly unhappy about your use of "distinction/distinctive" - can you explain exactly what you mean?

And is your research trying to create guide-lines for working with at-risk children etc? Pedagogy is an odd word in this context.

[crussell]

I am not personally writing this grant; I am just proofreading it. I questioned the grammar/punctuation of the paragraphs that I submitted. I believe the writer is trying to say that if they use a data bank they would be able to distinguish the issues, problems,etc.

I agree with you about the use of the word pedagogy -- it really does not fit. Can you suggest another word? The grant is an evaluation of a rural violence prevention program for youth and families.

Thanks so much for your assistance and suggestions.

Cindy