Field trips

Could you please write to me if you find any mistake or you feel something needs to be added in this formal letter.

Q.In order to save money, your principal is thinking about canceling all field trips for the remainder of the year! Write a letter to your principal persuading him or her to allow students to continue attending field trips. Give at least one reason to support your position.
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Respected Madam/sir,

As you know that, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" round-the-clock studies without any form of recreation will make us weary.And this weariness will have an oblique impact in our academic performance.According to us, the best form of recreation is pleasure trips which our school has canceled for the remainder of the year.
Field trips get students out of the classroom and allow them to experience hands-on activities that they learn about in books.We get to do things that we've never done before.So, we kindly request you not to cancel any of our trips so that we go back to our studies mentally refreshed.
I would be grateful to you if you reconsider your decision regarding our field trips.

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Originally Posted by samfat33

Could you please write to me if you find any mistake or you feel something needs to be added in this formal letter.

Q.In order to save money, your principal is thinking about canceling all field trips for the remainder of the year! Write a letter to your principal persuading him or her to allow students to continue attending field trips. Give at least one reason to support your position.
________________________________________________
Respected Madam/sir, [Surely you know the name of your principal! Dear Ms xxxxx OR Dear Mr xxxxx]

As you know that, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Round-the-clock studies without any form of recreation will make us weary.And this weariness will have an oblique [I would omit this] impact on our academic performance.According to us, [To be less aggressive, a better phrase might be "We students feel that..."] the best form of recreation is pleasure trips which our school has canceled for the remainder of the year.

Field trips get students out of the classroom and allow them to experience hands-on activities that they learn about in books.We get to do things that we've never done before.So, we kindly request you not to cancel any of our trips so that we go back to our studies mentally refreshed.

I would be grateful to you if you could reconsider your decision regarding our field trips.

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Don't forget that there should be a space after punctuation.

Thanks once again Anglika.I am really grateful for your help.:multi::smilecol:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by samfat33

Could you please write to me if you find any mistake or you feel something needs to be added in this formal letter.

Q.In order to save money, your principal is thinking about canceling all field trips for the remainder of the year! Write a letter to your principal persuading him or her to allow students to continue attending field trips. Give at least one reason to support your position.
________________________________________________
Respected Madam/sir,(I agree 100% with Anglika here.)

As you know that, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" round-the-clock studies without any form of recreation[you won't reverse their decision calling a field trip- recreation!!] will make us weary.And this weariness will have [use a consistent verb tense] an oblique [$5 word] impact in our academic performance.According to us, the best form of recreation is pleasure trips which our school has canceled for the remainder of the year. [ this is a poor argument .... this is a school not a resort.]
Field trips get students out of the classroom and allow them to experience hands-on activities that they learn about in books.We get to do things that we've never done before.So, we kindly request you not to cancel any of our trips so that we go back to our studies mentally refreshed.
I [be consistent...you use we everywhere else]would be grateful to you if you reconsider [ i agree with Anglika...make it a request, not a demand] your decision regarding our field trips.

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Here is my draft, shamelessly using some of Angkia's comments :-)

************************************************** *****

Dear Mr. XXXX or Dear Ms. YYYY

As you know, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Round-the-clock studies without any form of break makes us weary; and this weariness has a negative impact on our academic performance. We feel that field trips are a valuable break from the restrictions of a school environment, allowing us to learn in a more casual, social environment.

Field trips get students out of the classroom and allow them to experience hands-on activities that they learn about in books. We get to do things that we've never done before. So, we kindly request you not to cancel any of our trips so that we can go back to our studies mentally refreshed.

We would be grateful if you could reconsider your decision regarding our field trips.

***********************************************

As a side comment, if the issue is money, is it possible that the students can raise some money to help keep the school field trip program alive? If so, this will have a greater impact on their decision. For heavens sake, don't refer to these trips as recreation though, even though they are fun.:-)

Thanks a lot Naamplao.:-D:multi:Could you please write to me what does $5 word mean?

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Originally Posted by samfat33

Thanks a lot Naamplao.:-D:multi:Could you please write to me what does $5 word mean?

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A $5 word is a word that is more complicated than necessary. It is also a word that most people probably don't understand.

Thanks a lot Naamplao.:-):-DIs it better not to use $5 word?

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Originally Posted by samfat33

Thanks a lot Naamplao.:-):-DIs it better not to use $5 word?

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Yes, it is for two reasons.

1. You can appear pompous and arrogant if you use complicated words for no real reason. Some English learners fall into this trap. They learn the dictionary meaning of such words and use it in their English conversation/writing. Often they know the dictionary meaning but not how it may be interpreted in context. So they think they are saying the correct thing but in reality they mean something slightly different.

2. Let us say you have become an expert in using these complicated words. So you show them off by using them in conversation/writing. Unfortunately a lot of native English speakers often don't understand the word and its usage....so we take our best guess from the context of the sentence. Perhaps the context is not correct for the $5 word used...it can result in a complete mis-understanding.

Most writers...especially technical writers (who write technical manuals and procedures)...believe in the KISS approach (Keep it Simple Stupid).

There is a place for the complicated $5 words. But they don't belong in normal communication.