I need HELP ! Nothing ventured nothing gained

[magg123]

hello everybody !
I'm a new comer in UsingEnglish.com and I need help to my cover letter that I need to send this evening.
Please, can you check my lcover letter because it is certainly akwardly written as I have many diffulties in writing English. Thank you so much. mag

Dear Madam,
As a student of Charles V, I have been introduced Erasmus exchange programme for next year and this type of exchange had immediately attracted me or many reasons.
Although I have no experience in travelling abroad, I have always been motivated as regards the opportunity to discover a foreign country on many dimensions: cultural, linguistic, human…
From the top of my twenties, I feel the need to live another experience than a French one. I am very interested in studying abroad in as much as becoming French-English bilingual is one of the main purposes in my student life. I think that the best way for learning or improving a foreign language is to practice it in the country itself. That is why I allow myself to explain you my motivation to go to an English spoken country.

Though my marks are not the best I would like to obtain and despite my efforts, I try to achieve more and more knowledge each day by correcting my difficulties and scholar weaknesses. The English language is primordial in my everyday life since the age of seventeen. Indeed, on weekends, I have a job as a singer and I find it quite necessary to know and understand every English word I sing on stage each week. As a consequence, I would like to make better use of my English knowledge.

On the other hand, I think I am a student who really need to be sent in a foreign country to improve myself not only on the language level but also on the social dimension : to meet English people, to create new relationships with students and analyse their different way of life. In two years of English studies, I have not really dare express myself orally among French students by fear to make some mistakes. As a result, I think studying in an English or Irish university as a student of third year of licence could force me to express myself in any situation in and out the university. That is why I would like to discover a real English-spoken country.
Otherwise, as you will see from my enclosed resume, I have had many experiences of training periods in working life when I was a pupil at the Maison Familiale School, a system that permits young pupils to discover professional life as well as keeping school’s general program. From that experiences, I have learnt the sense of responsibility and the sense of being willing to listen to any instructions at wor.
Naturally, the choice to go and study abroad is not a choice taken without thinking. Because I’m independent by nature, I feel ready to cut off from my family and friends for one year (or more) in so far as this kind of experience is nothing but an opening of mind that I really need in the balance of my personal life .
For all these reasons, even if I am not a excellent student in Charles V university, I hope having the same chances as other students. I would be very interested in studying into the British Isles. As a final point, I would like to apply for an Erasmus post for 2008-2009 as an third year English college’s student. I hope my application would turn your attentionfavourably.

Yours faithfully,

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by magg123

Dear Madam,
As a student of Charles V, I have been introduced Erasmus exchange programme for next year and this type of exchange had immediately attracted me or many reasons.
Although I have no experience in travelling abroad, I have always been motivated as regards the opportunity to discover a foreign country on many dimensions: cultural, linguistic, human…

Try:

I have enrolled in the Erasmus exchange program for next year. Although I have no experience in travelling abroad, I have always wanted to travel, to meet new people, to do new things, to learn about other countries.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by magg123

From the top of my twenties, I feel the need to live another experience than a French one. I am very interested in studying abroad in as much as becoming French-English bilingual is one of the main purposes in my student life. I think that the best way for learning or improving a foreign language is to practice it in the country itself. That is why I allow myself to explain you my motivation to go to an English spoken country.

Try:

From the beginning of my twenties I have felt the need to live an experience other than a French one. I am very interested in studying abroad in as much as becoming French-English bilingual is one of the main goals of my life. I think that the best way to learn (or to improve one's skills in) a foreign language is to live in a country where that language is the primary language spoken. That is why I want to live in an English-speaking country.

~R