Experts please rate my complaint letter.

[maccee]

Hey can you guys give me a rate from 1-10 on how good my complaint letter is? It's not a real one, I just made it up.
________

1234 Eliza Ln.
Antioch, CA 94509
12/9/07

Dylon Jobe,
Lokring Company.
1234 Sweeney Way
Englishtown, NJ, 08775

Dear Dylon Jobe:

This is in regards to account number 7486621

On September 30th; I have purchased a Notebook computer, Model CA/7 at one of your stores in San Francisco.

Unfortunately, your product was a big disappointment when the shipment came; I opened the box to find a broken screen on the notebook. It was probably dropped during the shipment. I called Lokring and spoke to a lady named Jane, I explained to her on what had happened. They asked for my information and weren’t very helpful. I did not buy the product with warranty which was a fall back for me.

To resolve the problem, I would deeply appreciate it if I can have it shipped back to your store for a fix up or have it exchanged for a brand new one. I also have the original receipt and serial number of the product.

I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem, and will wait until next week before seeking help from a consumer protection agency or the Better Business Bureau. Please contact me at the above address or by phone at 1(415)-555-5555.

Sincerely,

Cenon M.

[Hi_there_Carl]

2 - You need to be tougher. Do not pay for something that is not right. Demand satisfaciton. Do not be so kind. instead of "I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem" say "I expect prompt resolution this problem."

[maccee]

2 - You need to be tougher. Do not pay for something that is not right. Demand satisfaciton. Do not be so kind. instead of "I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem" say "I expect prompt resolution this problem."

Thank you so much!