requesting a boss in a letter

Would you please check if I am clear and grammatically correct in this letter?THANK YOU


As a new employee I am on the waiting list to get a closer parking spot. Right now my parking lot is 10 minutes walking distance from my office. I finish my shift at midnight. Due to safety issue I would like to bring my car to the nearest parking lot in the early evening. I got a temporary permit from the parking service to move my car to another lot after 5:30 pm. However, my normal brake time is at 7:00 pm. would you please allow me to take a 15 minutes brake at 5:30 pm so that I can move my car?

Thank you for your consideration.

J.

As a new employee, I am on the waiting list to get a closer parking spot. Currently, the parking lot I use is 10 minutes walking distance from the office. I finish my shift at midnight. Due to safety issues I would like to bring my car to the nearest parking lot in the early evening. I have a temporary permit from the parking service to move my car to another lot after 5:30 pm. However, my normal break time is 7:00 pm. I am requesting an aditional 15-minute break at 5:30 pm so that I can move my car to a safer location.

Thank you for your consideration and I hope to hear from you soon on this very important issue.

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I hope your request is granted. Don't let them say no to this! It is a safety issue for you!!!

Thank you very much for the corrections.

I would like to clear a little thing about my request in my prvious writing . 15-minute breake is going to be a out of 1 hour break. So shall I need to say additional 15-minute break here? I am entitled to get totall 1 hour. Our break is quite designed. Every body takes their break at a certain period of time.

Then the word "additional" is not needed.