#1  
Old 28-Jan-2008, 13:41
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Posts: 79
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Default Can you correct my letter of application?

That's the advertisement I have to reply to:

"We are looking for helpers to organise sports and other activities at our American summer camp for children. You must be 18 or over and able to work for at least 9 weeks, starting June 15. You should also be fit, enthusiastic and responsible. Accomodation, food, pocket money, medical insurance and return travel are all provided."


My letter of application:

Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to apply for the job, which was advertised in the Daily News on Friday 5 February.

I'm attending the secondary school but at the moment I've been on holiday for 3 months and I would be available to work for the whole summer.
I'm an early 18 girl and I have been studying English for 7 years and I speak it well.
I'm a sociable person and I love children. In fact, in my future I would like to prepare myself in a way that I can work with children.

It's extremely important in that kind of job be responsible and I can surely say I am. I've always helped my mother with my sisters, when she was busy at work. I learnt from this way of life how the children's behaviour is.
That's my second year experience. In fact, last year I was employed in a summer camp in Honduras. I really appreciated it and now I would like to still do.
I love sport, outdoors and indoors ones. For this reason ,I can plan suitable games for children.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
gx90t
  #2  
Old 28-Jan-2008, 18:17
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 79
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Default Re: Can you correct my letter of application?

I know that you are busy but I would like to read the answer very quikly!

if there is any sentence that isn't properly english or there are grammar mistakes or anything else....pleaseeeeee!!!!!!!!correct me!

thanks!
  #3  
Old 28-Jan-2008, 20:05
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 19,449
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Default Re: Can you correct my letter of application?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gx90t View Post

Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to apply for the job that was advertised in the Daily News on Friday 5 February for helpers at an American summer camp.

I am 18 years old and attending secondary school. I would be available to work for the whole summer. I have been studying English for 7 years and I speak it well. Last year I was employed in a summer camp in Honduras and I really enjoyed it. I'm a sociable person and I love children. In fact, in my future I would like to find a career working with children.

It's extremely important in that kind of job to be responsible and I can surely say I am. I've always helped my mother with my sisters when she was busy at work. I learnt from this about children's behaviour and how to handle them.

I love sport, both outdoors and indoors. For this reason, I can plan suitable games for children.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
gx90t
.
  #4  
Old 30-Jan-2008, 15:41
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Default Re: Can you correct my letter of application?

Thank you very much, Anglika!!

Your suggestions were very helpful for me!=)=)=)
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