Comma usage (mother and daughter)

[denamarie]

Is the comma usage in this sentence correct?

In the evening, as she was growing up, her mother had deftly combed and braided her hair as they talked of the day's events.

[Soup]

Hi denamarie

Try,

As she was growing up, her mother had deftly combed and braided her hair in the evening as they talked of the day's.

[denamarie]

Originally Posted by Soup

Hi denamarie

Try,

As she was growing up, her mother had deftly combed and braided her hair in the evening as they talked of the day's.

Thanks. That seems much more natural.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by denamarie

Is the comma usage in this sentence correct?

In the evening, as she was growing up, her mother had deftly combed and braided her hair as they talked of the day's events.

There is nothing wrong with the comma usage in that sentence, but I would delete "had" and put the sentence entirely in the past tense, thus:

In the evening, as she was growing up, her mother deftly combed and braided her hair as they talked of the day's events.

BTW, you can't use "day's" without a noun following it.