Proper sentence structure

I am really not good at this and it might not even be called sentence structure. I am in charge of editing my employee's emails to customers. I constantly get a similiar line from all of them and think it's incorrect. Here is an example-
I am writing in regards to your request to have several employees reporting to John Doe.

I changed this to-

I am writing to you in reference to your request to have several employees reporting to John Doe.

Please advise. Thank you!

[bhaisahab]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I am really not good at this and it might not even be called sentence structure. I am in charge of editing my employee's emails to customers. I constantly get a similiar line from all of them and think it's incorrect. Here is an example-
I am writing in regards to your request to have several employees reporting to John Doe.

I changed this to-

I am writing to you in reference to your request to have several employees reporting to John Doe.

Please advise. Thank you!

Hi,
I would say that you are right.

[HelloFromIowa]

That was me as the poster. I actually changed the message to-
I am writing to you in reference of your request to have several employees reporting to

How is that?

Thanks!

[Barb_D]

Two comments -
First: "your request to have several employees reporting to John Doe" seems like it should be "your request to have several employees report to John Doe."

With the "reporting to" structure, it sounds like a giant noun phrase, so that "several employees reporting to John Doe" are the subject of the request, with the actual nature of the request not stated.

Second comment: You can also simply say "regarding" instead of "in reference to," although your version is also correct.

[not a teacher]

[David L.]

I am writing with regard to your request to have several employees reporting to John Doe as their newly-appointed line manager.

That's the sense/meaning I get from it - but it's a bit of a mouthful. I'd rephrase it.