a rainy day part-2

[eelt]

Could someone whose first language is English or who is a English native peaker correct the following and please explain the reasons when you make the correction. Thanks!(I appreciate everyone's help, but I come to here,trying to learn only American-English, British-English and Canadian-English.Again I thank everyone's help and understating.)

It's pouring raining outside. I forgot to bring an umbrella.
The streets in Shaw town are not very clear on the map and I am afraid I've got lost.Now I've got soaked and don't know where to go. I ran to the nearest bus stop. I took a shelter under a roof at the front of a department building, waiting for the bus. Luckly, bus came soon. I got on and went home.

[Neillythere]

Hi, as a Brit and mentor, but not a teacher, I would advise as follows:

Your text sounds like an extract from a mystery thriller, with, initially, short punchy statements (mainly) in the present tense, giving a sense of immediacy. It then switches to the past, when the need for immediacy is over.

It's pouring [/raining] outside. (i.e "It's pouring", "It's raining" or even "It's pouring with rain") I forgot to bring an umbrella (even though this last sentance is in the past tense, it reflects your immediate problem).

The streets in Shaw town are not very clear on the map and I am afraid I've got lost. Now, I've got soaked and don't know where to go.

I ran [run?] (you've switched to the past tense for this paragraph - intentionally?) to the nearest bus stop. I took [take?] shelter under a roof at the front of a department building, waiting for the bus.

Luckily, bus came (this is where I would have switched to the past, as you are closing out the immediacy of the situation) soon. I got on and went home.

Hope this helps
Regards
NT

[eelt]

Hi! Neillythere thanks for the lesson. I have learned something but I am wondering if you could explain more on "immediacy of the situation".You have brought an idea of switching verb tense from one situation to another. Could you explain more of that and give me few examples as well? Thanks!


Best Regard

[Neillythere]

Hi eelt

What I mean by the "immediacy of the situation" is that, in the first part of your text, you put the listener actually there on the spot where you are, getting an immediate, present tense, 1st hand account of the situation as it unfurls.

The immediate "excitement" subsides and you quickly drop into the past tense, albeit a tad (little bit) too early.

It's quite a useful technique to keep the audience's attention, particularly if it's followed shortly after by more present tense "excitement". Too much "excitement" will tire out the audience. Giving them a break enables them to take a breath before the next session.

You can use the same basic technique for presenations and lectures.

Hope this helps.
Regards
NT

[Anglika]

Originally Posted by eelt

I took shelter under a roof at the front of a department store, waiting for the bus. Luckily it came soon. I got on and went home.

Some other changes needed

[eelt]

Thank you Neillythere and Anglika. Thanks for your help. Have a nice day!