please correct this text.

[jctgf]

"My plan is to leave the luggage in a locker at the airport and go to see the apartment by bus.

If I like it, I’d make the deal immediately, paying the rent for then first month right away.

Then, with the key of the apartment in hands I’d go back to the airport in order to pick up my luggage and take it to my new address by taxi."

please, is this text OK?
Thanks.

[Soup]

My plan is to leave the luggage in a locker at the airport and then to go by bus to see the apartment.

If I like it, I'll sign (the rental agreement) and pay (for) the first month's rent then and there.

With the apartment key in hand, I'll go back to the airport, pick up my luggage and take a taxi to the new apartment.

[jctgf]

My plan is to leave the luggage in a locker at the airport and then to go by bus to see the apartment.

If I like it, I'll sign (the rental agreement) and pay (for) the first month's rent then and there.

With the apartment key in hand, I'll go back to the airport, pick up my luggage and take a taxi to the new apartment.

thanks!
sounds better!
as to ''make a deal", is it bad English?
thanks.

[Anglika]

thanks!
sounds better!
as to ''make a deal", is it bad English?
thanks.

Not "bad English", but not really used in this context. See your other thread for more.

[jctgf]

Not "bad English", but not really used in this context. See your other thread for more.

thanks.
in this example, could I say "Ok, Sir, let's make business!".
thanks.

[Anglika]

thanks.
in this example, could I say "Ok, Sir, let's make business!".
thanks.

"let's do business" - but it's probably not the best thing to say to a potential landlord. It's a bit informal unless you know the person quite well.

[jctgf]

"let's do business" - but it's probably not the best thing to say to a potential landlord. It's a bit informal unless you know the person quite well.

hi,
could I say "Ok, Sir, I would like to rent your apartment." ?
thanks.

[Anglika]

hi,
could I say "Ok, Sir, I would like to rent your apartment." ?
thanks.

Yes - perfect

[tedtmc]

If I like it, I'll sign (the rental agreement) and pay (for) the first month's rent then and there.

Normally, you don't get to sign the tenancy agreement on the spot. An earnest money equivalent to a month's rent is paid to confirm acceptance of the deal.

How about to 'close the deal'?

[jctgf]

Hi,
I have a complementary question please: if I decide to rent the apartment and pay immediately the monthly fee, how should I ask for the receipt?
Thanks.