I wrote a letter. I wonder whether I wrote it right or wrong.

[viensa]

This is my letter that I wrote. I hope someone can help me show my mistakes and correct them. Thank you so much!
"Dear Olympic college,
I was very happy when I received your information and I visited your website, I felt very interested in your college. And I really want to study at your college and complete my dreams there. But I still have some questions to ask you. I hope you can answer me.
I was born in 1991 and now I am studying in a high school in Viet Nam, so I will not be able to attend your college until July, 2009-when I finished my final exams in Viet Nam. I wonder whether I can attend your college in July, 2009 or not. Apart from that question, I still have a question to ask you. Actually, I have not had the TOEFL scores so far. I think if I have to attend the TOEFL test, it will take a long time. I want to ask you that if i do not have TOEFL scores, whether I can study at your school or not. Please email me as soon as possible.
I hope I can come into your college as a student.
Again, thank you for all information.
Your sincerely,
Ngoc Cao"

[Parakeet]

Well, I'd write it in this way:

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Dear Olympic College,

I was very happy when I received your information. I have already visited your website and I felt very interested in your college. I really want to study there so I can make my dreams come true. But I still have some questions to ask you. I hope you can answer me.

I was born in 1991 and now I am studying in a high school in Vietnam, so I will not be able to attend your college until July, 2009 (when I finished my final exams in Vietnam). I wonder whether I can attend your college in July, 2009 or not.

Apart from that question, I still have another one to ask you. Actually, I have not had the TOEFL scores so far. I think if I have to attend the TOEFL test, it will take a long time. I want to ask you that if I do not have TOEFL scores, whether I can study at your school or not. Please email me as soon as possible.

I hope I can come into your college as a student.

Again, thank you for all information.

Sincerely yours,

Ngoc Cao

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That's how I would have written it.

Hope can help.

See ya...