Is the paragraph okay?

[NewHope]

If not, improve it please.

Surely foreigners can not judge Chinese history, this is an essential tenet, however they can estimate and have a sharp sense on which translation is better, the rudimental knowledge is, English is their mother tongue, that’s the basic bargain, providing the gut and the circumstance of the play, they know which version is better, to a certain degree, this is a walk in the park for them.

Hmmm, this is quite a complicated paragraph, so I'm not certain that I've got the meaning , but I'll give it a go:

First, this paragraph is one long sentence with many different ideas and clauses in it. This makes it very difficult to read, as one is never quite sure what clause goes with what subject. In English people usually prefer their sentances quite short (exactly how short is a question of style). Thsi makes it easier to read, because it breaks complicated ideas into smaller chunks.

I'd say that this paragraph should be split into three sentences: one sentence says that foreigners cannot judge Chinese history, one says that they have a sharp sense of which translation is better, and one expands on that last idea. I'd try something like:



Surely foreigners cannot judge Chinese history: this is an essential tenet. They can, however, have a sharp sense as to which translation is better. English is their mother tounge and this provides the gut and circumstance of the play: knowing which is better is a walk in the park for them.



This revision isn't perfect, mainly because I don't really understand the sense of the third section. "The rudementary knowledge is" and "that's the basic bargain" don't appear to be necessary there, but that may be a confusion on my part. I'm not quite certain what it is that provides the gut and circumstance of the play.

If you could explain the paragraph in your own words, I'd have a better chance at helping! ;)

:D

[NewHope]

Hi Sam-F,

Thanks for replying.

As you said, I'll give it a go!

But please tell me first: What does "bargain" mean there?

Originally Posted by NewHope

Hi Sam-F,

But please tell me first: What does "bargain" mean there?

That's part of my confusion! :D

Bargain as a verb means to negotiate, to try to reach an agreement (usually over the price of goods)
Bargain as a noun either means an agreement, or something that seems to be worth more than it's cost.

-We bargained all night and finally agreed on the price
-We had a bargain: I'd do the shopping today if you took the kids to school
-This shirt cost me only 50 cents - it's a real bargain!


However, I don't understand its role in the paragraph quoted. Do you have a source for the paragraph, or did you write it yourself?

[NewHope]

:D!

I guess the bargain here refers to "An agreement between parties fixing obligations that each promises to carry out".

Okay, basic bargain is one of our starting points!

[Casiopea]

Originally Posted by NewHope

If not, improve it please.

Surely foreigners can not judge Chinese history, this is essential tenet, however, they can estimate and have a sharp sense on which translation is better, the rudimental knowledge is, English is their mother tongue, that’s the basic bargain, providing the gut and the circumstance of the play, they know which version is better, to a certain degree, this is a walk in the park for them.

It's really confusing. :?

In my own words, this is what I think it's saying,

The basic assumption is that if Chinese history is translated into another language, say, English, translating the guts 'n the glory and the pomp 'n circumstance, as it's being played out in the pages of Chinese history, would be to a certain degree a walk in the park for a native English translator, but surely it's unreasonable to assume that language alone is a prerequisite for translating its fundemantal essence, because translation, no matter the language, can not do history justice.

Gaaa, that sentence is even longer than the first!!!

But at least now I think I understand what the original paragraph was trying to say...

Well, let me try again, using Casiopea's ideas as to what the paragraph is trying to say:

Original:

Surely foreigners can not judge Chinese history, this is an essential tenet, however they can estimate and have a sharp sense on which translation is better, the rudimental knowledge is, English is their mother tongue, that’s the basic bargain, providing the gut and the circumstance of the play, they know which version is better, to a certain degree, this is a walk in the park for them.


My attempt #2:

While it could be said that foreigners are not in a position to judge Chinese history, they are still aptly able to judge translations of Chinese historical plays. Comparing versions of a play acted in one's native language, where the gut and circumstances are made clear, relies only on a person's sense of their Mother Tounge. For someone with a good ear for Chinese plays, this is a walk in the park.


Any better?

[Red5]

Originally Posted by Sam-F

Gaaa, that sentence is even longer than the first!!!

LOL!

[NewHope]

Originally Posted by Sam-F

Gaaa, that sentence is even longer than the first!!!

But at least now I think I understand what the original paragraph was trying to say...

:D I laughed so hard that I almost could not hold my mouse.

I think Casiopea's rewriting is very clear. But what you got is not the meaning that the original paragraph conveyed, because Casiopea was confused by the para!