challenging letter II

[knowwhat]

Dear reader

Just a brief update to you all on the consequence of my letter

I have sent the letter without waiting for all your advice on editing, as my plan was to send it on last Thursday.



Ironically, what i got from the letter was not an approval to my previous request, but a warning letter for my bad performance.



I know my performance was not very good, but i dont think it contributes directly to the consequence, but my letter does.



Despite the outcome, i would still be grateful of you to improve the content of my letter


thanks






http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/le...ng-letter.html

[Soup]

I read your letter, but in trying to edit it I had so many questions that I was unable to express what you wanted to express in a way that would gain a positive response. My questions, for example, are you a manager and if not what were you trying to accomplish by writing the letter aside from going over your manager's head? Who asked you to write the letter and why? Do your immediate supervisors know of these problems, and if so why haven't they dealt the matter? As you know, there's a hierarchy in business: you tell your boss or immediate supervisor your concerns along with viable solutions, then you let them take it from there.

I'm just not sure, I guess, what the letter was suppose to accomplish, moreover, what solutions you had to offer the company. In writing such a letter, you want to start off with the benefits, not the problems. Above all, you'll want to go through the chain of command, if not to get people on your side.

[knowwhat]

Hi Soup

thanks for your post

Let me tell you more about the background history.

I work in shift, and I would like to request to work in a particular shift pattern, which is not under our standard shift pattern, for example, working for longer hours daily in return for working less day in a week say from 5 day to 4 day. However, i never could found a great opportunity to rise out my request until recent.

Among our team, there have been rising voices criticizing the management style in recent operations change. Focusing on operations need but not staff's comments is one of the main factors contributes to our staff's unhappiness.

I took this as a great opportunity to point out the flaw of the management and provide a solution, and use my example as an illustration in an attempt to attain my wish.

Refer to your question

Accomplishment : request for permission to work in a particular shift

Who asked me to write letter : No one, i took the initiative to write the letter

Do your supervisor knows: No, we dont have any supervisor. the hierarchy is pretty flat. Our superior is the management

Looking forward to hearing from you

[knowwhat]

Just would like to act on something.

I would also like to hear anyone's comment in my style of writing. Do you think the style of the letter is too harsh? I was told by my colleague that my letter was just too harsh from their point of view, and needless to say from management's.

do i really deserve that stupid warning letter

[knowwhat]

actually, i learnt this particular writing style from newspaper

Initiated by covering a board topic and narrow it down to the main point as it grows with the pharagraph......

did i use the wrong style?

[Raymott]

Just would like to act on something.

I would also like to hear anyone's comment in my style of writing. Do you think the style of the letter is too harsh? I was told by my colleague that my letter was just too harsh from their point of view, and needless to say from management's.

do i really deserve that stupid warning letter

Your colleague who told you that the letter was inappropriate is a lot closer to the action than we are. The letter did lack a lot in diplomacy. Coming from someone with less than good performance (which you've admitted to), I can understand that the management would not be too pleased.
We don't know what's in your warning letter, so it's hard to say whether you deserve it or not. I would have thought that, since you were anticipating being sacked, a warning letter would be a welcome alternative.

[RonBee]

Focusing on operations need but not staff's comments is one of the main factors contributing to our staff's unhappiness.

You are unhappy because you feel you are not being listened to.

Do your supervisor knows:

Say:

Does your supervisor know?

[knowwhat]

Your colleague who told you that the letter was inappropriate is a lot closer to the action than we are. The letter did lack a lot in diplomacy. Coming from someone with less than good performance (which you've admitted to), I can understand that the management would not be too pleased.
We don't know what's in your warning letter, so it's hard to say whether you deserve it or not. I would have thought that, since you were anticipating being sacked, a warning letter would be a welcome alternative.

Dear Raymott

Although I really cant rule out the possibility of my less good performance might be the cause of the warning letter. However, it just sounds very coinicide that I was called for a meeting to discuss about my performance right after the day that i sent the letter.

But anyway, I have no interest in finding out the result behind it, and I would like to take this opportunity to learn how to write in more diplomacy

[knowwhat]

You are unhappy because you feel you are not being listened to.


Say:

Does your supervisor know?

Ronbee ... yes I am not happy because I feel i am not being listened to

and we dont have supervisor, and our direct reporting person is the manager

[Raymott]

Dear Raymott

Although I really cant rule out the possibility of my less good performance might be the cause of the warning letter. However, it just sounds very coinicide that I was called for a meeting to discuss about my performance right after the day that i sent the letter.

But anyway, I have no interest in finding out the result behind it, and I would like to take this opportunity to learn how to write in more diplomacy

Oh, I'm not doubting that your warning was due to your letter rather than your performance.
What are your plans now? When you learn to write more diplomatically, will you send your management another letter? I don't want to help you improve your writing skills if it's only going to get you the sack !