helping me to correct a motivation letter

[medoos]

hi
this is my first time to use this forum
im applying for a scholarship and im writing a motivation letter and why im applying for this scholarship..
so i need please from u to revise my words and make them strogn ( if u can plz)
here u are:

I was born in a family with a strong belief in the importance of education. Being highly motivated by my parentsr, I have always striven to be the best student. Thus my academic performance has always been on top of the class, so being sedulous makes me always dreaming of making master and to complete my study.
When i finished my university , i got a new job immediately in a brilliant postion , and this thing makes me to postpone the idea of making master for a while , but it was tempting me to do it everyday.
Now , and after 2 years of experince and working , i felt that this is the time to make this shining step in my life , so i decided to apply to this scholarship as i want to promote my self , to got more experince , to help my community and to to got a better postion in my job.
Besids, This scholarship will provide me an opportunity of experiencing an international education. Being in a country with many students from different cultures and nationalities is a good opportunity to got more experince and gain more points of views which will be valuable andit will enrich my culture. This will improve my ability in interacting with other people from different cultures and nationalities.
To sum up , ambitious person always needs to improve and consolidate his self and i guess i have enough ambition to applay for this scholarship.

[colloquium]

I was rasied by a family with a strong belief in the importance of education. Being highly motivated by my parents, I have always striven to be the best student. Thus my academic performance has always been at the top of the class; I now want to further my education by working towards gaining my masters degree.

When i graduated from university, i sought employment and worked in a brilliant position; the job caused me to postpone the idea of pursuing my masters degree, but nonetheless, the desire to take the course stayed with me.

Now, after 2 years of experince and working, i feel that this is the time to make this important step in my life, so i have decided to apply for this scholarship as i want to promote my self, get more experince, help my community and gain a better postion in my job.

Besides, This scholarship will provide me with an opportunity to experience an international education. Being in a country with many students from different cultures and nationalities would be a great opportunity to get more experince and gain a better point of view which will be valuable to my future career. This will improve my ability to interact with other people from different cultures and better my skills when communicating with people of different nationalities.

To sum up, an ambitious person always needs to improve and build upon the skills needed to perform at ones best.

I have corrected some grammatical problems, but I do not know how a letter of this nature is supposed to be written. I am also not sure how it should end, so I haven't attempted to finish the letter. My amendments may have made it less suitable, so please seek advice from someone who knows more about letters of this kind.

Also, I noticed a recurring punctuation error.

You leave a space before and after your commas (aaa , aaa) - the space should only be after the comma (aaa, aaa).

I am not a teacher.

[medoos]

Hi
thanks for ur answer replay and ur efforts
regarding the letter it self , i just need to make it grammatically correct , and to have powerful words,,, that's all
i make some modifications , and i will be happy if u revise it again,,,
i will post it in next few hours....
many thanks again and again,,,