Is it essential to add " who ..." into the sentence?

[sky753]

Hello Everyone,

In our translation textbook, there are two sentences translated into English from Chinese:

Meanwhile, Shanghai is a cherished paradise for gourmets, （who may find themselves frequenting) the many thousands of restaurants that serve a complete list of China's major well-known cuisines, such as Shandong, Sichuan, Cantonese, Yangzhou, Fujian traditions, to name just a few. （In addition, you may easily find your way to those） competing foreign food restaurants featuring French, Russian, Italian, British, German, Spanish, Japanese, Korean and Indian cuisines.

The parts outside of the brackets are the original Chinese meaning! If the parts in the brackets are deleted, that is the above meaning is translated directly,without adding any elements, and according to the original as :

Meanwhile, Shanghai is a cherished paradise for goumets. Many thousands of restaurants serve a complete list of China's major well-known cuisines, such as Shangdon, Sichuan, Cantonese, Yangzhou, Fujian traditions, to name just a few. In addition, competing foreign food restaurants feature French, Russian Italian, British ,German, Spanish ,Japanese, Korean and Indian cuisines.

then is the paragraph cohesive?

Regards

Sky

[I'm With Stupid]

Originally Posted by sky753

Meanwhile, Shanghai is a cherished paradise for goumets. Many thousands of restaurants serve a complete list of China's major well-known cuisines, such as Shangdon, Sichuan, Cantonese, Yangzhou, Fujian traditions, to name just a few. In addition, competing foreign food restaurants feature French, Russian Italian, British ,German, Spanish ,Japanese, Korean and Indian cuisines.

That's fine. The first paragraph is a bit more personal though, whereas this is more objective and descriptive. The first paragraph is more like something you would expect to see in a travel brochure or tourist book.

Not a teacher.

[Kraken]

I don't quite get you, I'm afraid.
Maybe because I am not a techer.

The second text is legible, but you should say "Many thousands of restaurants serve a complete list of (...)", and "competing foreign food restaurants feature French (...)

Could you please rephrase your question?

Thank you.

Doh, I'm With Stupid is way faster...

[sky753]

Originally Posted by I'm With Stupid

That's fine. The first paragraph is a bit more personal though, whereas this is more objective and descriptive. The first paragraph is more like something you would expect to see in a travel brochure or tourist book.

Not a teacher.

Thanks for your reply!

Due to capability, we don't know whether what have been translated is proper or can meet the taste of people of English speaking countries. We often presume the anwers in the text book as the only standard and often doubt about our own version.

Just take the above as an example, I thought the elements of
（who may find themselves frequenting ) and （In addition, you may easily find your way ）essential in the context, without them, the sentence is not cohesive and incomplete. Now from your reply , do I come to know that the direct translating is ok too. The difference only lies in their styles and both of them are ok!

Of course, I hope more post will be offered here with regards to the cohesion!