Thesis Statement help

[Unregistered]

im writing a ten page research paper on the crusades and i was wondering how this thesis statement sounds

During the Medieval Crusades, the christian crusaders committed many unjustifiable attacks
against religious parties to help supply their Holy War.

hasnt been turned in yet

[bhaisahab]

im writing a ten page research paper on the crusades and i was wondering how this thesis statement sounds

During the Medieval Crusades, the christian crusaders committed many unjustifiable attacks
against religious parties to help supply their Holy War. This is not well written.

hasnt been turned in yet

If you register as a member you will get more help.

[Thanatos058]

well what can be done to it to make it better i have like no idea

[Thanatos058]

ok i redid it just a bit let me know if its any better or what not



During the Medieval Crusades, the christian crusaders had committed many unjustifiable attacks
against relgious parties to help supply their Holy War, and in the end was a huge reason why
the Greek Church of Byzantium and the Roman Church of the West were never reunited.