My daughter's story
The following is a story "A very young mouse, a cat, and a cock" adapted from Aesop's fable, and my daughter is going to present it before her class as a way of practicing English. Please take a look and give her some comments. How would it be improved in order to be more ineresting and appealing? Thanks.
A very young mouse, a cat, and a cock
Which creature looks more charming to an innocent young mouse? A cat or a cock? What do you think?
A very young mouse made his trip out of the hole for the first time and went into the wonderful and mysterious world. He returned to tell his mother about the two fascinating creatures he saw out there.
"Oh, Mother," said the mouse, "I saw two captivating animals. The first one was beautiful, and she had fluffy fur and a long curling tail. She made such a tender vibrating voice that I was attracted to her. I'd like to make friends with her and spend more time hanging out with her.
And the other was a terrible looking monster. He had red gross raw meat on his head and his chin, and it wiggled and shook as he walked. That was really disgusting. He spread out his wings and cried with such a powerful and frightening noise that I was frightened and scurried away without even talking to the kind beautiful animal I mentioned earlier.
Mother Mouse smiled and said, "My dear, that horrible-looking creature was a harmless cock, but that beautiful animal with the fluffy fur was a cat that eats mice. You were lucky she did not have you for dinner."
So, which one is more charming to an innocent young mouse? I think we all know now. But sometimes the most charming one are the most fatal one. And the moral of this story is “ Do not trust outward appearances. ”
Re: My daughter's story
She made such a tender vibrating voice- made...noise or had...voice
the most charming one are the most fatal one- one should be plural or simply omitted and 'most fatal' doesn't work too well as we generally don't grade 'fatal', but 'deadliest' works.
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