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1. This changing in the systems brought the notion to a critical situation. The teacher underlined this and asked me to rephrase it.
It means, a change in the system carried an abstract thing, an idea, to a location called 'a critical situation'.:-(
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2. To hold the responsibilities that must be held by the King over his country and people. What is wrong with "over"?
The King holds responsibilities over his country and people. :?:
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3. He suffered also of painful shyness... and of lung cancer. Should it be a instead of of?
He also suffered from. . . ;-)
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4. King George VI was sick since his childhood. My teacher said that the tense doesn't go with "since". What should I use instead?
. . .had been. . . since ;-)
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5. He keeps asking for help to be taken care of when he gets... What is wrong with this one?
help is being taken care of :?: Try, . . . for someone to help take care of. . .
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6. To take care of his own self and family someone would question and doubt. I found a big question mark in here, is it the tense?
Meaning is the problem. What does 'someone would question and doubt' mean, and what are they questioning and doubting, and who is the subject of 'to take care of his own self and family? :-?
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7. The prime ministers could of showing an obvious dominating power over the King. Should I change of showing to show?
Yes. :up: Also, take out 'of'.
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8. The disrespect shown toward the King was not allowed to be toward the Sacred Kings. How should I rephrase this one?
Take out 'to be'.
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9. The image of the king as "the good shepherd" whose function was to protect his people became a negative one when taking a look at what king George has involved Britain into.
'became a negative one' is OK. It's the second part, 'when taking a look' that is awkward.
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10. He was a reluctant person in a time when it must not be wasted in hesitation, but in taking advantage of the position he was in. Syntax!
a) What is 'it'? That is what 'must not be wasted'?
b) not be wasted. . ., but be_____ (past participle)
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11. ... that would be much more helpful in pointing out the citizens' reactions. The teacher asked me to use more than..? What should I do?
that would be more than helpful. . .