Tel message for recording machine

[Ju]

I am going to record a message in the telephone answering machine in the office.

1) Is the following script OK?
2) How can I make it more in lively native English?

************************************************** ***


"THIS IS JU, SECRETARY TO MR. LEONG, I AM SORRY I CAN'T TAKE YOUR CALL RIGHT NOW, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP. THANKS FOR CALLING, BYE."

************************************************** ***

Thanks/ ju

[pyoung]

I am going to record a message in the telephone answering machine in the office.

1) Is the following script OK?
2) How can I make it more in lively native English?

************************************************** ***


"THIS IS JU, SECRETARY TO MR. LEONG, I AM SORRY I CAN'T TAKE YOUR CALL RIGHT NOW, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP. THANKS FOR CALLING, BYE."

************************************************** ***

Thanks/ ju

Dear ju:

It's an office, so you don't want your message to be too lively! How about:

'Hello, this is Ju (I would give first and last names, unless the office is extremely informal), secretary (or, 'assistant') to Mr. Leong. If you are calling during normal business hours, I am away from my desk or on another line and unable to take your call. If you leave your name, number and a brief message, I will be sure to return your call as soon as possible. Thanks for calling. Have a great day!

Then: be sure you do return the calls as soon as possible. It is highly annoying to hear this message again without having received a call back.

I hope this is helpful,

Petra

[Ju]

Dear ju:

It's an office, so you don't want your message to be too lively! How about:

'Hello, this is Ju (I would give first and last names, unless the office is extremely informal), secretary (or, 'assistant') to Mr. Leong. If you are calling during normal business hours, I am away from my desk or on another line and unable to take your call. If you leave your name, number and a brief message, I will be sure to return your call as soon as possible. Thanks for calling. Have a great day!

Then: be sure you do return the calls as soon as possible. It is highly annoying to hear this message again without having received a call back.

I hope this is helpful,

Petra

Dear Pyoung,

Thank you for your prompt reply.

Is it possible to make it 'short and brief' as I know my boss would like to have short message.

Thanks / ju

[pyoung]

Dear Pyoung,

Thank you for your prompt reply.

Is it possible to make it 'short and brief' as I know my boss would like to have short message.

Thanks / ju

Dear Ju:

Yes! and your callers will appreciate it, too! No one likes to wait through a lengthy recorded message, especially after the first hearing.
How about:
Hello, you have reached the desk of Ju, assistant to Mr. Leong. If you will leave your name, number and a brief message, I'll return your call as soon as possible. Thanks for calling. Have a great day!

Depending on the degree of formality in your office, you may wish to say 'Hi' instead of 'Hello.'

I hope this is helpful,

Petra

[Ju]

Dear Ju:

Yes! and your callers will appreciate it, too! No one likes to wait through a lengthy recorded message, especially after the first hearing.
How about:
Hello, you have reached the desk of Ju, assistant to Mr. Leong. If you will leave your name, number and a brief message, I'll return your call as soon as possible. Thanks for calling. Have a great day!

Depending on the degree of formality in your office, you may wish to say 'Hi' instead of 'Hello.'

I hope this is helpful,

Petra

Dear Petra,

Thank you for everything.

By the way, is there a website sounding the difference of a word in American and British pronounciation?

Hope you have a nice Easter Break.


Ju

[Searching for language]

I find also that "Hi and thanks" are quite informal, and considering it is an office, I would use "Hello" and "Thank you for calling."

Depending also if this is a large office, as in my daugher-in-law's office (legal) she says "If this is urgent, you may also return to reception for immediate help by pressing 0."
I am not a teacher.