my script..

[Ju]

The following is part of the script I am going to present in front of a class.

**Some shops will choose to order the massage oil in bulk (a large container with large quantity of massage oil) from overseas as it comes in lower price compared to those have been prepacked in smaller size . Before they sell, the shop will pack the oil in different sizes upon customer's request. So both the seller & user can save money. Actually, if the shop and the user can follow the guideline to maintain the freshness of the oil. It wouldn't be too bad (I am trying to see it wouldn't be too bad to look for the oil from those shops selling oil in bulk).**

1) Should the it highlighted in red be changed to 'they'?

2) Any other areas I should correct?


Tks /ju

[henz988]

The following is part of the script I am going to present in front of a class.

**Some shops will choose to order the massage oil in bulk (a large container with large quantity of massage oil) from overseas as it comes in lower price compared to those have been prepacked in smaller size . Before they sell, the shop will pack the oil in different sizes upon customer's request. So both the seller & user can save money. Actually, if the shop and the user can follow the guideline to maintain the freshness of the oil. It wouldn't be too bad (I am trying to see it wouldn't be too bad to look for the oil from those shops selling oil in bulk).**

1) Should the it highlighted in red be changed to 'they'?

2) Any other areas I should correct?


Tks /ju

Hello,
Before natives proofread, maybe those in blue could be improved first? IMHO

[Ju]

Hello,
Before natives proofread, maybe those in blue could be improved first? IMHO

Thank you, IMHO. Then, how about the correction in green this time?

**(There are) Some shops will choose to order the massage oil in bulk (a large container with large quantity of massage oil) from overseas as (they)it come in lower price compared to those (prepacked)have been prepacked in smaller size . Before (selling) they sell, the shop(the oil will be packed) in different sizes upon customer's request. So both the seller & user can save money. Actually, if the shop and the user (are able to) can follow the guideline to maintain the freshness of the oil. (That) It wouldn't be too bad (I am trying to see it wouldn't be too bad to look for the oil from those shops selling oil in bulk).**


Tks /ju