Letter of Motivation of master program - help!

[michi_86]

Hi,
i am applying for a master program in business in the UK and therefore i have to write a letter of motivation. I know it is a lot to ask and a lot of work, but i would be extremly grateful if someone could give me advice on how to improve my letter and maybe correct my mistakes.

Thanks a lot!! Michael



Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Master's Program in xxx.

My name is Michael Klar and I am currently studying Psychology at the University of Vienna, which I will graduate from in June 2011.
I also took my elective courses in business administration at the Vienna University of Economics and Business, which provoked my strong interest in economic issues.

There are many reasons, why I am interested in participating in the xxx program.
One of them is my aim to work in an international field related to human resources and consulting. To me this is the perfect way to combine my acquired knowledge in psychology and my strong interest in business. Therefore I am keen on gaining a deeper theoretical knowledge in management and analytical skills to evaluate business in a global context.
I am certain that the xxx program will contribute to reaching my goal

Furthermore I would highly appreciate to get in touch with people from other countries and cultures. To my mind, it is very important to experience cultural exchange in order to broaden your mind, develop your own point of view and to understand global developments.
I also think that it is crucial to understand cross-cultural management in order to work successfully in an international field. Therefore studying in an international environment is highly important to me.

During my studies I did several internships in different companies. Through this I have already gained relevant work experience in the business area and was able to acquire practical skills in a variety of business fields, for example project management and recruitment.
I also had the chance to work as an intern for the London based company xxx, where I worked well independently and showed initiative.

I am certain, that my previous academic and professional career, my strong interest and existing knowledge in economic topics, my ability to work and study in an intercultural environment and my eagerness to broaden my horizon and educate myself further make me a highly suitable candidate for the xxx program at your university.
In addition, I feel that my career in football has helped to foster these qualities over the years. Football has helped me to learn the commitment necessary for success as an individual and how to work as a team member. As a team captain I knew my teammates were relying on me to help win a game as much as I relied on them and I am therefore used to give my best effort in every situation.

With the solid foundation in academic theory on management and practical experience on management gained through the Master's Degree program in xxx at University of xxx, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge, and contacts that will enable me to pursue a career in an international environment.

I would like to thank you for considering my application and I look forward to your positive response

[Gillnetter]

Hi,
i am applying for a master program in business in the UK and therefore i have to write a letter of motivation. I know it is a lot to ask and a lot of work, but i would be extremly grateful if someone could give me advice on how to improve my letter and maybe correct my mistakes.

Thanks a lot!! Michael



Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Master's Program in xxx.

My name is Michael Klar and I am currently studying Psychology at the University of Vienna, which I will graduate from in June 2011. I also took my elective courses in business administration at the Vienna University of Economics and Business, which provoked my strong interest in economic issues.

There are many reasons why I am interested in participating in the xxx program. One of them is my aim goal to work in an international field related to human resources and consulting. To me, this is the perfect way to combine my acquired knowledge in psychology and coupled with my strong interest in business. Therefore, I am keen on gaining have a strong desire to gain a deeper theoretical knowledge in management and analytical skills to be able to effectively evaluate business in a global context.
I am certain that the xxx program will contribute to me reaching my goal

Furthermore, I would highly appreciate like to get in touch meet and interact with people from other countries and cultures. To my mind, it is very important to experience cultural exchanges in order to broaden your the mind, develop your own an educated point of view and to understand global developments.
I also think that it is crucial to understand cross-cultural management in order to work successfully in an international field. Therefore, studying in an international environment is highly important to me.

During my studies I did several internships in different companies. Through this these studies I have already gained relevant work experience in the business area and was able to acquire practical skills in a variety of business fields; for example, project management and recruitment.
I also had the chance to work as an intern for the London based company xxx, where I worked well independently and showed initiative.

I am certain that my previous academic and professional career, my strong interest and existing knowledge in economic topics, my ability to work and study in an intercultural environment and my eagerness to broaden my horizon and educate myself further makes me a highly suitable candidate for the xxx program at your university.
In addition, I feel that my career in football has helped to foster these qualities over the years. Football has helped me to learn the commitment necessary for success as an individual and how to work as a team member. As a team captain I knew my teammates were relying on me to help win a game as much as I relied on them and I am therefore used to give my best effort in every situation.

With the solid foundation in academic theory on management and practical experience on management gained through the Master's Degree program in xxx at University of xxx, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge, and contacts that will enable me to pursue a career in an international environment.

I would like to thank you for considering my application and I look forward to your positive response

Gil

[freezeframe]

Hi,
i am applying for a master program in business in the UK and therefore i have to write a letter of motivation. I know it is a lot to ask and a lot of work, but i would be extremly grateful if someone could give me advice on how to improve my letter and maybe correct my mistakes.

Thanks a lot!! Michael



Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Master's Program in xxx.

My name is Michael Klar and I am currently studying Psychology at the University of Vienna, which I will graduate from in June 2011.
I also took my elective courses in business administration at the Vienna University of Economics and Business, which provoked my strong interest in economic issues.

There are many reasons, why I am interested in participating in the xxx program.
One of them is my aim to work in an international field related to human resources and consulting. To me this is the perfect way to combine my acquired knowledge in psychology and my strong interest in business. Therefore I am keen on gaining a deeper theoretical knowledge in management and analytical skills to evaluate business in a global context.
I am certain that the xxx program will contribute to reaching my goal

Furthermore I would highly appreciate to get in touch with people from other countries and cultures. To my mind, it is very important to experience cultural exchange in order to broaden your mind, develop your own point of view and to understand global developments.
I also think that it is crucial to understand cross-cultural management in order to work successfully in an international field. Therefore studying in an international environment is highly important to me.

During my studies I did several internships in different companies. Through this I have already gained relevant work experience in the business area and was able to acquire practical skills in a variety of business fields, for example project management and recruitment.
I also had the chance to work as an intern for the London based company xxx, where I worked well independently and showed initiative.

I am certain, that my previous academic and professional career, my strong interest and existing knowledge in economic topics, my ability to work and study in an intercultural environment and my eagerness to broaden my horizon and educate myself further make me a highly suitable candidate for the xxx program at your university.
In addition, I feel that my career in football has helped to foster these qualities over the years. Football has helped me to learn the commitment necessary for success as an individual and how to work as a team member. As a team captain I knew my teammates were relying on me to help win a game as much as I relied on them and I am therefore used to give my best effort in every situation.

With the solid foundation in academic theory on management and practical experience on management gained through the Master's Degree program in xxx at University of xxx, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge, and contacts that will enable me to pursue a career in an international environment.

I would like to thank you for considering my application and I look forward to your positive response

This reads more like a resume cover letter, not an academic letter of motivation. It needs to be more specific and include what specifically do you plan to study at their institution. What kind of specific academic opportunity will attending this institution provide you with (as pertaining to the proposed research/program of study). Also, you need to get rid of all the grandiose but meaningless and cliche adjectives. You need to say only specific things. You are trying to convince them that they have to choose you out of all the other applicants -- including a lot of cliche fluff won't do that. Also, closing with "I look forward to your positive response" is not appropriate for an academic application letter.