Edit my cover please

[esophea]

I am writing to express my interest in your recently advertised position for a Sale Executive which was posted on the website Khmer.ws - the job, career and recruiting website for Cambodia (http://www.khmer.ws). Attached with this letter is my resume, which further details my previous work experience and qualifications.

I am a freshman who will graduate from the Institute of Foreign Languages (IFL). Prior to entering IFL, I graduated from the National University of Management (NUM) with a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting in 2004. Presently, I am working as a Sales Executive at First Cambodia Co., Ltd for the last four months. I am responsible for direct selling of the company including profit and loss responsibility, customer growth, revenue production and personnel development. My recent position allows me to further develop and strengthen my communication and interpersonal skills.

Although I am enjoying my present job, I am looking out for new opportunities in the same field. I am keen on joining your company and becoming one member of the creative team sincerely and I am confident that I can perform the work effectively and efficiently.

I look forward to meeting you to discuss your needs and my ability to meet them in more detail. In the meantime, please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions you may have. I can be reached at: 012 365454

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by esophea

I am writing to express my interest in your recently advertised position for a Sale Executive which was posted on the website Khmer.ws - the job, career and recruiting website for Cambodia (http://www.khmer.ws). Attached with this letter is my resume, which further details my previous work experience and qualifications.

I am writing to express my interest in your recently advertised position of a sales executive which was posted on the website Khmer.ws - the job, career and recruiting website for Cambodia (http://www.khmer.ws). Attached tothis letter is my resume, which further details my work experience and qualifications.

The phrase "previous experience" is redundant (unnecessarily repetitive).

[smiln32]

I am responsible for direct selling of the company including profit and loss responsibility, customer growth, revenue production and personnel development. My recent position allows me to further develop and strengthen my communication and interpersonal skills.

I would word this as:

I am responsible for direct sales, including profit and loss activities, customer growth, increasing revenue and personnel development. This position has provided me with an outstanding opportunity to continually improve my communication and interpersonal skills.

And

Presently, I am working as a Sales Executive at First Cambodia Co., Ltd for the last four months.

I would word as:

Presently, I am working as a Sales Executive at First Cambodia Co., Ltd.


Overall, your letter is pretty good. :)

~Carla

You can read more about cover letters here:
Cover Letter Tips

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by smiln32

I would word this as:

I am responsible for direct sales, including profit and loss activities, customer growth, increasing revenue and personnel development. This position has provided me with an outstanding opportunity to continually improve my communication and interpersonal skills.

And



I would word as:

Presently, I am working as a Sales Executive at First Cambodia Co., Ltd.


Overall, your letter is pretty good. :)

~Carla

You can read more about cover letters here:
Cover Letter Tips

Excellent!