pls help me edit it:should school teach young students cooking?

[nixgnoy]

Would you please give me some suggestions? Thank you very much!:)

Topic: should school teach young students cooking? What is your opinion? (within 300 words, at least 250 words; IELTS for GENERAL TRAINING)

There is a strange situation nowadays that we can lead a comfortable life without knowing too many skills. One examplification is that we would never get hungry if there were a KFC nearby, although we know nothing about cooking a fired chicken. However, I disagree with the statement that schools should have the responsibility to teach young children cooking.

Widespread commercial services make it possible for people to spend more less time on trivial things like cooking a dinner and therefore, saving enough time to do others things such as doing exercise or reading. In other words, it is unnecessary for us to learn some skills which we will never use. If cooking become a compulsory subject in school, students’ academic performance would be seriously impacted, since it will occupy too much time which should be use in study.

On the other hand, learning one more skill will never be a bad idea, which will add color to our boring daily life, because no one will like eating a fired chicken everyday. Moreover, when the young children grow up and have their own family, cooking at home will be a more economic and healthy way to support the family. However, it is still not the case that cooking should be a part of school lessons, because it is just a personal choice to study it or not.

In conclusion, I believe that cooking is not necessary to be a compulsory subject in school, for it is merely an individual selection. But school can arrange the cooking course as a extracurricular activity which allow students to make their choice.

(268words)

[RonBee]

There is a strange situation nowadays that we can lead a comfortable life without knowing too many skills.

That's the modern world.

[gauri_agr]

"You are what you eat". Food is an essential part of our life like a breathing. We can not live with out food. So I think it should be the mandatory skill to learn every one like learning speaking , reading and writing :) :)

Warm Regards
Gauri

[RonBee]

One example of this is that we would never get hungry if there were a KFC nearby. We don't need to know how to cook chicken as long as we have the money to buy chicken that has already been cooked.

(We wouldn't cook fried chicken. That would be silly. )

[RonBee]

However, I disagree with the statement that schools should have the responsibility to teach young children cooking.

Try:
.

I disagree with the statement that schools have the responsibility to teach cooking to young children.

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You have to come up with a better segue.

[nixgnoy]

Try:
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I disagree with the statement that schools have the responsibility to teach cooking to young children.

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You have to come up with a better segue.

Thank you very much! But whether you mean that I should delete the "however" and adjust the sequence from "to teach young children cooking" to "to teach cooking to young children" in order to get a better cohesion and make it "flowing"?

[nixgnoy]

(We wouldn't cook fried chicken. That would be silly. )

Thank you very much, but two "chicken" in one sentence, would it be a repeat?

[RonBee]

Re:
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One example of that is that we would never get hungry if there were a KFC nearby. We wouldn't need to know how to cook. We would only need enough money to buy prepared chicken. However, I disagree with the statement that schools should have the responsibility to teach young children cooking.

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There is no relationship between the third and fourth sentences. Thus, you need a better transition (segue). You need something to come after the third sentence and before the fourth one.

[RonBee]

Thank you very much, but two "chicken" in one sentence, would it be a repeat?

I think you are referring to this sentence:
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We don't need to know how to cook chicken as long as we have the money to buy chicken that has already been cooked.

.
There is no reason you can't use the same word twice in a sentence. That is not what redundancy is. Redundancy is saying the same thing twice to no purpose. (Cooking chicken and buying chicken are two different things.)

[nixgnoy]

I see, thank you, so how about:
One example of that is that we would never get hungry if there were a KFC nearby. We wouldn't need to know how to cook. We would only need enough money to buy prepared chicken. Therefore, I disagree with the statement that schools should have the responsibility to teach young children cooking.

By the way, "to teach young children cooking" and "to teach cooking to young children ", which one is better?