Writing Part 2 Essay(from Unit 3 "Total FCE")

Good afternoon guys!!
Would you be so kind to correct my essay??
As usual, I would also like you to give me your opinion about the essay and tell me whether it's adequate for FCE exam.

This is the task:We're losing our sense of community because of the developments in new technology


...and this is my answer

Nowadays, technology and computer science are evolving and improving faster and faster.
This phenomenon is also making people change their attitude.
One time, teenagers used to gather in various groups and share lots of experiences together such as playing football, studying in libraries and so on.
But now, the link between people and computers is indissoluble.
Consequently, feelings such as loneliness and depression among teenagers are becoming more and more common.
The libraries are almost uninhabited and open-air activities are vanishing because of the spreading of videogames and internet.


On the other hand, it is also true that social networks such as Facebook, Twitter and Netlog are encouraging online frindships.
They are also making the communication easier.

However, that is not enough to make up for the negative metamorphosis of people's attitude which consists in indifference ( even between neighbours)
and sometimes unfriendliness which should not belong to human beings, seeing that, as Aristotle used to say, "humans are political and sociable animals".

Thank you Gillnetter for correcting it and for the suggestions.