- 1 Post By sancti
I live in France and I'm preparing my ielts test.
I have a lack of writing skills. Unfortunetely I do not have a teacher to correct me.
I hope you could help me to correct the following essay.
Some say that economic development is the solution to poverty: others say it is the cause of poverty. What is your opinion?
With many concerns in the less-developed countries such as unemployment and hunger, many people think that establish a strong industrial base could increase the living standard in poor nations. But others say it only give advantages to international investors. In this essay, I will discuss some arguments for and against a development policy in poor countries.
There is several arguments for showing that improve the economy of a pauperized country will help to fight against the poverty. First of all, Industrialisation decreases the unemployment. Creating resources from industries automatically improves the living standard. Another advantage is that to run this economy, graduate are needed. The population will get access to a strong education system. In addition, people in developing countries will get a better purchasing power. The amount of goods that can be bought by an inhabitant will literally increase.
However, not everyone is agree with this theory. Deep down, the economic development make only benefit for the international investors. People from rich countries invest to be wealthier. A second point is that a wealth inequality occur between various group in the society. Governments and elite groups take advantage of it but not the poor farmer in the countryside. A third issue is that development does not respect the environment and create serious damage. Labour's health is directly hurt by the phenomenon due to using chemical products like fertilizer.
I agree that economic development do not always change a poor society in the fairly way. However, I am convinced that help to fight against the unemployment and hunger. I really think that not giving access to the development to a pauperized nation is ruthlessness even though inequality will still continue to exist.
Thank you very much
Re: preparing IELTS
Welcome to the forum! When is your test and what score do you need?
I've highlighted some vocabulary I like in blue and I've made some (not all) corrections in red. I also want to make some comments on your text, I put some green numbers in brackets (1), (2), etc. in your essay. You can read my comments below.
I think you have a good start. You have a well-organised essay and you clearly answer the question which is the most important part. I think if you take 5 minutes before the exam ends just to check your writing, you would be able to find and correct some of your mistakes. I know your teacher has explained "there is/there are" and "I am agree" if you are in France. Mistakes are natural though, just give yourself time to check for them and you'll be OK.
Originally Posted by sancti
- This kind of statement is very common in French writing, but very foreign in English writing. Of course you are going to discuss these things, but the reader wants to know WHY you will discuss them. Something like, "This essay will examine both sides of the argument and try to determine which one is true."
- You are making good points in this paragraph, but they are a bit hidden. You say, "another advantage is that ... graduates are needed." This doesn't seem like an advantage. You explain it in the next sentence, but this interrupts the momentum of your argument. Try to list the advantages clearly (the education system will be improved), and then explain how this happens.
- This paragraph is brilliant! Do you see the difference between the two paragraphs? In this one, you make the disadvantages so clear. Great examples and great work!
Overall your communication is clear, there are just a lot of little mistakes for you to clean up (subject-verb agreement, using adverbs as adjectives, using nouns as adjectives). This is OK, because if you keep practising you will find them more easily.
There is a very good page about preparing for the Academic reading test on UsingEnglish: IELTS Academic Reading Tips for Students- Matching headings to paragraphs task - Articles - UsingEnglish.com and I have also written some tips for IELTS on my site: Part 3: Writing | Ben Teaches English.
Keep practising and good luck on your exam!
Re: preparing IELTS
I Appreciate your help. In my writing I need the minimum score of 6. My test is in a week.. I do not have problems with reading, listenning and speaking but I have lack of condidence with my writting. I didn't have enough time to practice my writting before and especially nobody to correct my mistakes.
I see that I can avoid many mistakes if I give myself time to check.
I will check your website and I continue to read, improve my vocabulary and writte everyday.
Thank you very much for your comments. Now I can understand what is wrong with my thesis and my paragraphs.
have a good day
By Praves in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 27-Sep-2012, 10:30
By priyafernando in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 28-Aug-2012, 08:47
By uktous in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 01-Dec-2009, 20:44
By ohmyrichard in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 09-Dec-2008, 12:40
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO