Could you please edit my essay
I'm preparing for the TOEFL test. There would be many grammatical errors in my essay, but I would appreciate it if someone can edit my essay. :-D
Many people say that they are enjoying their lives more than people lived in the past. However, in my opinion, it is only their superficial emotion, not their true mind. I rather think that people are less happy and satisfied today than their ancestors for following reasons.
To begin with, people are in unnecessary conflicts unlike the past. They have forgot the values or human rights. They always try to extirpate the others’ properties or minds. This can be explained with two aspects; psychological and economical aspects. According to the psychological theory, when a person feels that his or her space becomes smaller, he or she becomes anxious. When we apply this to the reality, since people all around the world have become closer by technology, they can be anxious because other people can easily access to their spaces. In an economical aspect, because of the sharp increase in world population and the development of technology, people can’t now get enough resources from nature. For example, there have been incessant wars in Africa, where has a plenty of natural resources such as food and jewelry. While there are few people living in Africa compared to its land size, they always fight to earn money from developed countries in other continents, where need their resources for economical purposes. This shows us how unnecessary fights devastate people today.
On top of that, people are becoming passive these days. Because of the development of civilization, they tend to rely on technology rather than human relationship. In other words, they are becoming cold-minded. They live like machine, working in factories or workplaces where administer these places and going back home late. They don’t have enough time to spend with their families or friends. Instead, their tools in workplaces, such as personal computers and smartphones are becoming their closest friends. For instance, we can easily see people who are always watching their cell phones. They surf on the Internet or play games with their phones in schools, hospitals, and even on busy streets. This interrupts them to concentrate on their works or studies. They are not active in healthy activities like sports or playing music. Meanwhile, they are losing vivacity of their lives and become subordinate to technology. Eventually, civilization has made people’s lives inactive and passive while it can make people ‘easy’ to live.
As a summary, people are losing happiness and enjoyment of their lives because civilization has made them fight with each other and live passively. They say that they are happy because they cannot get out of the enjoyment of civilization-in other words, they are addicted to civilization-, while they are being devastated by it.