correction of short composition

[Tan Elaine]

Hi everybody

Could someone go through this short composition and correct any errors found? I would appreciate any suggestions to improve the composition. Many thanks in advance for your help.

Last Suinday, my family and I went to the beach at the East Coast Parkway. When we stepped onto the sandy beach, a gentle breeze blew ontp our faces.

My brother and I were rushing to the public toilets t change into our swimming attire. My parents laughed at seeing us in such a hurry.

After my brother and I had changed, we ran to the sea to have a swim. After swimming for about half an hour, our mother called us for lunch. Our lunch consisted of peanut butter sandwiches.

After lunch, my brother and I went to take a nap. After we had woken up, my parents joined us for a swim. After we swam, we went to take a shower at the public toilets. After the shower, we packed up and went home.

[SandraPMarques]

Originally Posted by Tan Elaine

Hi everybody

Could someone go through this short composition and correct any errors found? I would appreciate any suggestions to improve the composition. Many thanks in advance for your help.

Last Su(i)nday, my family and I went to the beach at the East Coast Parkway. When we stepped (onto) the sandy beach, a gentle breeze blew (ontp) our faces.

My brother and I (were) rushed to the public toilets to change into our (swimming attire) bathing-costume. My parents laughed (at seeing us in) with such a hurry.

After my brother and I had changed, we ran to the sea to have a swim. After swimming for about half an hour, our mother called us for lunch. Our lunch consisted of peanut butter sandwiches.

After lunch, my brother and I went to take a nap. After we had woken up, my parents joined us for a swim. After we swam, we went to take a shower at the public toilets. After the shower, we packed up and went home.

Well, I'm just a student too. I'm sure that others have something better to say about your composition, but here goes my help... Try to find other start for sentences rather than "after". There are to many.

[Tan Elaine]

Hi fellow members

SandraPMarques wrote: Well, I'm just a student too. I'm sure that others have something better to say about your composition, but here goes my help... Try to find other start for sentences rather than "after". There are to many.

Since SandraPMarques is just a student, could a moderator or native speaker or English teacher comment on my composition.

I look forward to the comments of the respondent/s.