IELTS ACADEMIC ESSAY ( correction please )

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Prevention is better than cure.

Out of a country's health budger, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

********************** My Essay *******************************


Health has a great interest in many countries in the recent years. However, many countries spend a huge budget on cure rather than prevention of disease and early discovery of them. I believe that government should spend part of this budget on prevention. This could be done through various ways such as health education, media, health measures and health regulations.

Health Education could play a main role on prevention. If people knows the effects of diseases themselves, they could discover it earlier, and this should increase the percentage of their cure, while save us a lot of money at the same time. For instance, cancer would be cured if it was discovered on early phase. So that, health education is as important as education, while it is not the only method of prevention. Media also could have a vital role on health.

Media is the most reachable way to people. So that, government should use it to enlarge the health knowledge among people. When the impacts of certain disease are known, it will be easier to be detected on early stage. This will increase the chance of cure, while save money because of prevention.

Health measures and regulations should be set by governments, in order to increase prevention rates. For example, periodic measures should be done on students and employees by governmental organisations, in order to assure people's health. Also health measures proves should be required by universities and organisations in order to decrease cure and increase prevention rates.

Overall, although many countries assign a larger budget for health, they should use part of this budget for prevention through health education, health measurements and regulations. I believe this would be better for people and save money for governments.
 
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WHAT UM SUPPOSED TO DO, SO THAT PEOPLE WHO VIEWED HELP ME & CORRECT THE ESSAY ?!!
 

5jj

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Pay?

Remember that the people who respond in these forums, giving up their free time to help others when they can. Correction of essays is a time-consuming business, and not many of have time for this.

Sometimes you are fortunate, and somebody will be able to help you very quickly. At other times you may have to wait. Occasionally, nobody will have free time.

Please don't show impatience when you are asking for something for nothing.
 
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You are right :) .. maybe because my time is limited um a little stressed, but u r totally right :) :)
 
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