could you please proofread and edit?

[jody_008]

Hi guys,
i'm looking for a PhD supervisor, so i'm sending him the following letter in order to get his acceptance. So, could you please proofread and edit my letter?. Also, could you please provide me with some sentences to ask him to be my PhD's supervisor?

Thanks a lot guys..

cheers


Dear Dr.xxxx

I am XXXX and am Saudi Arabian born on 10/11/1984. I am an applicant interested in studying Safety Engineering at your university for the PhD’s degree starting in Fall 2012. I received a FULL scholarship from the Ministry of Higher Education- XXX University in Saudi Arabia where I work as a lecturer at faculty of Engineering, to pursue my study in the field of Ergonomics- Safety Engineering.

My interest in Safety Engineering was initiated by my readings in this field. I seek to pursue this field for my ambition to specialize in a highly professional and attractive field. My plans for my career have set this major at the top of my priorities. I am sure your university is the place where my academic dreams will come true. Safety Engineering professionals are very scarce in Saudi Arabia. This area of study should make me one of those who contribute to filling that professional gap in Saudi universities and work market with the expertise I hope to achieve at your university.

In the mean time, I received my bachelor of Mechanical Engineering degree and master of Engineering Project Management and ready to start my education. I believe that my background in engineering and management has prepared me for such a career. I have found research fascinating since my engineering days, where I received the highest marks in the Department for my final-year undergraduate dissertation; and master’s degree project as well. My five years of engineering education and the master’s degree have provided me with a strong grounding in engineering, management and the theoretical aspects of technology.

I believe that the Ph.D. program in Safety Engineering would be invaluable in helping me achieve my objectives. It would enable me to channel my quantitative and conceptual skills in analyzing Safety issues and would open up new avenues in research.

I prepared this statement of purpose to describe my situation. I hope to become education alumnus from your university.

My hope is that your consideration of my file will render a favorable decision. I am confident a decision like that will definitely change my life and put me on the verge of a bright future of which I hope your school will be the main thrust.

Sincerely yours,
XXXXX

 

[jody_008]

Hi guys,
still waiting for your help..

thanks in advance

 

[billmcd]

Hi guys,
i'm looking for a PhD supervisor, so i'm sending him the following letter in order to get his acceptance. So, could you please proofread and edit my letter?. Also, could you please provide me with some sentences to ask him to be my PhD's supervisor?

Thanks a lot guys..

cheers


Dear Dr.xxxx

I am XXXX and [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] Saudi Arabian born [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] 10/11/1984. I am [STRIKE]an applicant [/STRIKE] interested in studying Safety Engineering at your university for the PhD’s degree starting in Fall 2012. I received a FULL scholarship from the Ministry of Higher Education- XXX University in Saudi Arabia where I work as a lecturer [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] with the faculty of Engineering, to pursue my study in the field of Ergonomics- Safety Engineering.

My interest in Safety Engineering was initiated by [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] readings in this field. I seek to pursue this field for my ambition to specialize in a highly professional and attractive field. My plans for my career have set this major at the top of my priorities. I am sure your university is the place where my academic dreams will come true. Safety Engineering professionals are very scarce in Saudi Arabia. This area of study should help to make me one [STRIKE]of those [/STRIKE]who contributes to filling that professional gap in Saudi universities and work market with the expertise I hope to achieve at your university.

In the meantime, I have received my bachelor of Mechanical Engineering degree and master of Engineering Project Management and I am ready to [STRIKE]start[/STRIKE] continue my education. I believe that my background in engineering and management has prepared me for such a career. I have found research fascinating since my engineering days, [STRIKE]where[/STRIKE] when I received the highest marks in the Department for my final-year undergraduate dissertation, and master’s degree project as well. My five years of engineering education and the master’s degree have provided me with a strong grounding in engineering, management and the theoretical aspects of technology.

I believe that the Ph.D. program in Safety Engineering would be invaluable in helping me achieve my objectives. It would enable me to channel my quantitative and conceptual skills in analyzing Safety issues and would open up new avenues in research.

I prepared this statement of purpose to describe my situation. I hope to become an education alumnus [STRIKE]from[/STRIKE] of your university.

My hope is that your consideration of my file will render a favorable decision. I am confident a decision like that will definitely change my life and put me on the verge of a bright future of which I hope your school will be the main thrust.

Sincerely yours,
XXXXX

Nice work. A few suggestions.