“I’ve written a virtual short story and now I need you to help me for check it.”

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sajjad64

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Persian
Home Country
Iran
Current Location
Iran
My name is mark Wilson. I’m 34 years old. In the past I’ve a lot of dreams. When I was child I wanted to have a self employed job in the future. But know I’m a fire fighter. our station is located in the rose park st. My colleagues are in a good company with me. They call me willy and until now we haven’t any fed up.
In our job you can’t cut the corner because of the rigid time table. At work we need to be ready all the time because the alarm may be abrupt ring. During the operation staffs should obey the commander. One day in the operation I understood that the machine didn’t have enough water and immediately paged another machine to come and then carried the operation on.
Being a fire fighter is a satisfying job. Fire fighters are not required to have any academic qualifications but they must brave, strong and patient. This job is responsible and challenging and it’s full of stress. Only people who have sedulity can do it.
Finally I have to say that I enjoy my job forwhy we can help a lot of people every day.
 

emsr2d2

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Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Check your use of tenses.
Check your capitalisation of proper nouns.
Check your use of particular words ("know", "abrupt", "paged", "sedulity").

Read through your story again very carefully, concentrating on those points and edit any errors you find. There is one error in the first sentence, for example. After you edit your post, leave a new comment under this one to say that you have done it and we will look at it again.
 
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