Does this sentence make sense?

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col89

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Hi there,

I am writing a prayer in remembrance of a recent passing and was wondering if anyone could help me out with the following sentence, whether it makes sense or not:

Although it meant leaving family and friends prematurely, having those who loved but lost to bethink oneself that, ultimately, the physical world be so dark and grim.

Originally, I was going to omit "oneself" but it seems that to bethink always requires reflexive pronouns. Can anyone confirm this for me, please? And also if the above sentence works as it is when read aloud, or if there should be any changes to it?

Thanks in advance. :)
 

5jj

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Although it meant leaving family and friends prematurely, having those who loved but lost to bethink oneself that, ultimately, the physical world be so dark and grim.
For a start, there is no main clause.so I don't really know what you are trying to say.

It is also not clear who or what the subject of the verb 'bethink' is; in any case, I recommend that you do not use such an archaic verb, even in a prayer.
 

col89

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For a start, there is no main clause.so I don't really know what you are trying to say.

It is also not clear who or what the subject of the verb 'bethink' is; in any case, I recommend that you do not use such an archaic verb, even in a prayer.

Thank you for your post and recommendation.

I probably should have copied and pasted my full quote, but that quote is only part of what I was intending to say, as I have it connected to another sentence (using the semicolon, I mean). However, I still felt very iffy about that part, in particular. I think I had so many ideas about what I wanted to say, but yet I wasn't sure on what was going where exactly. I'll play with it a bit further and see what comes up!

Thank you again. :)
 
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