Tone and grammar

[gloriaa]

I'm trying to write an email to a teacher but I really don't want to sound impolitely and as I've noticed, some sentence structures that sound OK in one country don't necessarily have to sound as good in another one, therefore could you please check what I've come up with and tell me if the grammar and the tone I've used sound politely and appropriatly? If no, what can I do to make it better?
Dear Ms E,I'm studying Law at X College but I'm considering joining Y College next year if I'll be able to continue my A levels. The exam board at X College is AQA and as far as I'm aware it's OCR at Y College- would it be possible to transfer my AQA AS Law qualification so that I could carry on my A level at Y College? Also, I understand that the entry requirement is at least a grade B in English Language at GCSE. I'm sorry to say that I was 1 mark away from a B but have not actually got it. I have got a B in English Literature, however, as it was clearly specified that no equivalents will be accepted, could my future AS Law grade possibly be taken into consideration if it were satisfactory enough?
Kind regards,
Z

[emsr2d2]

I'm trying to write an email to a teacher but I really don't want to sound impolitely and as I've noticed, some sentence structures that sound OK in one country don't necessarily have to sound as good in another one, therefore could you please check what I've come up with and tell me if the grammar and the tone I've used sound politely and appropriatly? If no, what can I do to make it better?

Dear Ms E,

I'm I am currently studying Law at X College but I'm am considering joining Y College next year if I'll be able it will be possible to continue my A Levels there.

The examining board at X College is AQA and, as far as I'm aware, it's OCR at Y College. Would it be possible to transfer my AQA AS Law qualification so that I could carry on my A Level at Y College?

Also, I understand that the entry requirement is at least a grade B in English Language at GCSE. I'm sorry to say that Unfortunately, I did not get a B but I was only one mark away from a B. but have not actually got it. However, I have got a B in English Literature. however, as It was clearly specified stated that no equivalents will be accepted, but could my future AS Law grade possibly be taken into consideration if it were satisfactory enough?

Kind regards,
Yours sincerely
Z

Please see my suggested amendments above. I have separated your letter into clear paragraphs to make it easier to read.

[BobK]

... I have separated your letter into clear paragraphs to make it easier to read.

- a very important point.

b

[Tdol]

I agree- paragraphs make texts so much easier to read. When I hear that a novel has been written in an experimental style without paragraphs, I don't bother trying.