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  1. #1
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    Default IELTS writing task 2. Correct my essay, please!

    "Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.

    In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

    What are your opinions on this?

    You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence."
    (IELTS Cambridge 3. Page 74)

    Students’ going to work while in schools has been a controversial issue already. Now when it comes down to children – especially the advantaged - earning money in many countries, many people are raising their voice to oppose this situation. Those who regard this trend as encouraging possibly do not know that this is dangerous and against the law in some countries.

    First of all, getting children go to work so early can be considered to be illegal. Someone who commits this act can be accused of exploiting children in some countries such as Vietnam. In fact, making money at an early age is very dangerous because children are innocent of what they are doing. In other words, young people may not know if the work they are doing is right or wrong. Therefore, once entering the world of adults, children are likely to enter the world of criminals as well, which usually abounds with evils. What these young people are faced with in this place could be child abuse or drug addict. As many people say, there is only a small step from drug addiction to drug traffic. Indeed, in case this happens, many children’s lives would end up miserable.

    Although going to work too soon, as some people say, to some extent, does offer people real-life experience and help them take responsibility, work needs professionals and this actually cannot train young people to become experts. Poor children, in particular, once getting involved in paid work prematurely, could never have a chance to get a decent job when they grow up because of their history. Children, at their age, had better have a right to go to school and entertain innocently. In this way, their future would be rosy with happiness and high salary, unlike those children who are forced to work too early and get paid very low.

    To sum up, I think it is essential to campaign against child abuse, which involves getting children work at an early age when they should have enjoyed their childhood with education and entertainment satisfactorily. This can also mean that some people who think working prematurely is good for children had better change their opinion.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: IELTS writing task 2. Correct my essay, please!

    Students having a job while in still in school has been a controversial issue. However, when it comes down to children, especially the disadvantaged, earning money in many countries, many people are raising their voice to oppose this situation. Those who regard this trend as encouraging possibly do not know that this is dangerous and against the law in some countries.

    First of all, using underage workers can be considered to be illegal. Someone who commits this act can be accused of exploiting children in some countries such as Vietnam.

    Making money at an early age is very dangerous because children are innocent of what they are doing. Young people may not know if the work they are doing is right or wrong. Therefore, once entering the world of adults, children are likely to enter the world of criminals as well. This world abounds with all manner of evil. These young people are often faced with abuse and drug addiction. As many people say, there is only a small step from drug addiction to drug trafficking. This is a terrible downward spiral.

    There are those who will say that work offers children real-life experience and helps them take responsibility However, the training that it would take for children to assume more responsibility is not available. Poor children, in particular, once getting involved in paid work prematurely, might never have a chance to get a decent job when they grow up because of their history.

    Children have a right to go to school and have innocent entertainment, protected from predatory adults. This, not work, is what ensures a future rosy with happiness and a high salary, unlike those children who are forced to work too early and get paid very little.

    To sum up, I think it is essential to campaign against child abuse, which involves getting children to work at an early age when they should be enjoying their childhood with education and wholesome entertainment. People who think working prematurely is good for children had better change their opinion.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: IELTS writing task 2. Correct my essay, please!

    Thank you Isabella26! I have a question.

    This, not work, is what...
    I don't understand this point. What does the phrase 'not work' mean? Is it used as a sentence adverb?

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