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  1. #1
    wwha018 is offline Newbie
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    Default Urgent! Please proof-read my appeal letter!

    Hi,

    please proof-read and correct any grammatical errors and anything that sounds awkward.

    It is an important letter so I don't want to make any careless mistakes...

    I would appreciate it!!!

    P.S.: The letter is pretty long.





    To the Financial Aid Appeal Committee:

    First of all, thank you for the generous award letter.

    I am grateful that I am able to receive aid from ______for the education I have always wanted to attain. Like so, I was able to complete my first year successfully with the grants and loans that had been offered.

    However, this year I might end up taking out more loans than my parents can afford to pay back.

    Last year, I have undergone an orthognathic surgery. It had been planned since I was fourteen when I visited my orthodontist for the first time to have dental braces done. I had uneven jaw that was a tooth off to the right and underbite. Due to such malocclusion, I always had trouble chewing food that led to constant digestive problems. The doctor recommended that I get a surgery in order to fix my problems because it was something that could not be corrected with braces alone.It was a lot of money even with insurance. My parents paid _____dollars in total, including the surgery, anesthesia, and the hospital fee.

    As a result, significant amount of money had been taken out from the college fund my parents have been saving for years. My parents are worried that they might not be able to afford the money withoutborrowing about ____ dollars because it seems that they can only pay ___ dollars per month.

    It is difficult to ask more from my parents since they are still under the financial burden of paying back the loan from my freshman year. In addition, I did not get a chance to take an advantage of my special circumstance because the surgery took place in 2008 not in 2007. (The financial aid form specifies that the special circumstance only includes incidents occurred the year before current academic year.)

    This is why I have decided to write an appeal this time - it is my hope that I could help out my parents in some way.

    I appreciate that you have given me an opportunity to explain my financial circumstance in detail. Thank you for reading and I am looking forward to hearing good news from you.


    Sincerely,

  2. #2
    rocking is offline Junior Member
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      • Member Type:
      • Academic
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      • Chinese
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      • China
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    Smile Re: Urgent! Please proof-read my appeal letter!

    Hello,I'll try to improve some of your sentences as below. Good luck to your grants

    To the Financial Aid Appeal CommitteeDear Sirs/Madams:
    ]
    First of all, thank you for the generous award letter.


    I am grateful that I am able to receive aid from ______for the education I have always wanted to attain. Like so,I was able to complete my first year successfully with the grants and loans that had been you offered me.

    However, this year I might end up taking out more loans than my parents can afford to pay back.
    However, this year because of my extra medical expenses, my parents will have difficulty to pay back the required loans in order to maintain my being a beneficiary of the grant. (Is this what you meant? - there may be better wording for the idea because i have little such related financial words. so please find words for your ideas. )

    Last year, I have undergone an orthognathic surgery. It had been planned since I was fourteen when I visited my orthodontist for the first time to have dental braces done. I had uneven jaw that was a tooth off to the right and underbite. Due to such malocclusion, I always had trouble chewing food that led to constant digestive problems. The doctor recommended that I get a surgery in order to fix my problems because it was something that could not be corrected with braces alone.It was a lot of money even with insurance. My parents paid _____dollars in total, including the surgery, anesthesia, and the hospital fee.
    Let me explain my family's situation to you. Last year, I underwent an orthognathic surgery that had long been planned ever since I was fourteen. It was when I first visited my orthodontist to have dental braces done. Because of the malocclusion, I had always had difficulty chewing food, which led to chronic digestive problems. It was under this circumstances that the I took the doctor's advice and went through the surgery in the hope of improve my overall health conditions. naturally, it involed a large sum of money, including insurance, the hospital expenditure etc. Because I live on my parents, it was they who covered all the expenses, which came to ______ dollars, including surgery, anesthesia, etc.

    As a result, asignificant amount of money was taken out from the college fund my parents have been saving for years. My parents are worried that they might not be able to afford the money without borrowing about ____ dollars because it seems that they can only pay ___ dollars per month.

    It is difficult to ask more from my parents since they are still under the financial burden of paying back the loan from my freshman year. In addition, I did not get a chance to take an advantage of my special circumstance because the surgery took place in 2008 not in 2007. (The financial aid form specifies that the special circumstance only includes incidents occurred the year before current academic year.)This is why I have decided to write an appeal this time - it is my hope that I could help my parents ioutn some way.


    I appreciate that you have given me an opportunity to explain my financial circumstance in detail.

    Thank you for reading your time and I am looking forward to hearing good news from you.



    Sincerely,[/QUOTE]

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