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  1. #1
    kamel Guest

    Default Can you please help.

    Perhaps it was my parents who first inspired my thirst for knowledge. An electrical engineer and an author, they never ceased to emphasize the value of a good education to their three children.

    I was born into a multicultural and well-traveled family. The constant traveling was due to my father's demanding occupation. As a result, I have come in contact with various different nationalities. At the age of 13, I had lived in more countries than I could remember. Fortunately we, as a family, had enough time to understand their cultures. I began to understand that people were equal no matter what their racial background.

    I have learnt to speak several languages. These include English, Norwegian and Somali, which I can voice fluently. I also know the basics of French and am an intermediate speaker in Swedish and Arabic.

    I maintain a diverse choice of activities ranging from martial arts to co-heading the chess club. I am the founder and president of the environmental awareness project established in our school. Occasionally on my spare time I attend to the weaker students and assist the supervisors during examination retakes. I am a member of the anti bullying squad, which is rapidly decreasing the amount of bullying in our school. I also hold the title of class prefect for my section.

    I enjoy taking part in various solo and team sports. In my high school, I am captain of my varsity basketball team and have participated in several recognized tournaments. I also play in the starting 11 of the school soccer team, which came 2nd in the 'Dubai Schools League', and have taken part in the 'Dubai Team Pepsi Football League' in 2004. In addition to being on the varsity softball team, I hold the record of 3rd fastest swimmer in the school.

    I have learnt to be flexible and have attained a number of agreeable qualities; integrity, leadership, patience and respect. Waterloo has all the opportunities I am looking for in carrying on my education, maturing my identity, and contributing culturally and academically.

  2. #2
    Dany's Avatar
    Dany is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Can you please help.

    Hello Kamel,

    I will start with your correction. It will be very nice, if others could also correct it because I perhaps made also some mistakes.


    Perhaps it has been my parents who first inspired my thirst for knowledge. An electrical engineer and an author, they have never ceased to emphasize the value of a good education to their three children.

    I was born into a multicultural and well-travelled family. The constant travelling was due to my father's demanding occupation. As a result, I have come in contact with different nationalities. Till the age of 13, I had lived in more countries than I could remember. Fortunately we, as a family, had had enough time to understand their cultures. I began to understand that people are equal no matter of their racial background.

    I have learned to speak several languages. These include English, Norwegian and Somali, which I can speak fluently. I also know the basics of French and am an intermediate speaker in Swedish and Arabic.

  3. #3
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Can you please help.

    Kamel, as a teacher, I'd make thew following changes:

    BY the age of 13, I had lived in more countries than I could remember.
    These include English, Norwegian and Somali, which I can SPEAK fluently.
    I maintain a diverse choice of activities- I have many interests
    anti-bullying
    several recognized tournaments- what do you mean by 'recognized'?
    I hold the record of 3rd fastest swimmer in the school- is this a recored- I'd say I am the third fastest

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Can you please help.

    Quote Originally Posted by kamel
    Perhaps it was my parents who first inspired my thirst for knowledge. An electrical engineer and an author, they never ceased to emphasize the value of a good education to their three children.

    I was born into a multicultural and well-traveled family. The constant traveling was due to my father's demanding occupation. As a result, I have come in contact with various different nationalities. At the age of 13, I had lived in more countries than I could remember. Fortunately we, as a family, had enough time to understand their cultures. I began to understand that people were equal no matter what their racial background.

    I have learnt to speak several languages. These include English, Norwegian and Somali, which I can voice fluently. I also know the basics of French and am an intermediate speaker in Swedish and Arabic.

    I maintain a diverse choice of activities ranging from martial arts to co-heading the chess club. I am the founder and president of the environmental awareness project established in our school. Occasionally on my spare time I attend to the weaker students and assist the supervisors during examination retakes. I am a member of the anti bullying squad, which is rapidly decreasing the amount of bullying in our school. I also hold the title of class prefect for my section.

    I enjoy taking part in various solo and team sports. In my high school, I am captain of my varsity basketball team and have participated in several recognized tournaments. I also play in the starting 11 of the school soccer team, which came 2nd in the 'Dubai Schools League', and have taken part in the 'Dubai Team Pepsi Football League' in 2004. In addition to being on the varsity softball team, I hold the record of 3rd fastest swimmer in the school.

    I have learnt to be flexible and have attained a number of agreeable qualities; integrity, leadership, patience and respect. Waterloo has all the opportunities I am looking for in carrying on my education, maturing my identity, and contributing culturally and academically.
    serendipity

  5. #5
    kamel Guest

    Default Re: Can you please help.

    Thx all

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