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  1. #1
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    Red face It is a very short paragraph!

    I would like to have suggestions about my writing, please give a hand!

    When I was 10, my family moved to a small town 100 km to the south of Lima. The town based its economy on the exports of agricultural products (mainly pomegranates and figs). Its small population was based on strong familial ties and ancient traditional customs and values. My town would probably be one more of the typical towns of the extended Peruvian coast, had it not been for an special icon that distinguish it among others, its colonial church that could be distinguished miles away. Every year, in august 15th, the celebration for the Virgin Asuncion de Maria is held in the plaza in front of the church, an event that for the priest of the town has a mandatory character for the entire citizens. The Catholic doctrine rigidly commanded the spiritual and moral paths of the community, however, as I vividly appreciated, there were thousands of different forms in which people lived their spirituality being.
    One day one of my new friends in the town invited me to his house, he proudly wanted to show me the convalescent roster that won the more important cockfight championship of the area the week before. While we were approaching to the roster cages, I saw the images hanging on the walls of the lord of Miracles, Virgin Mary, la Sarita, Equeko, etc and a number of religious artifacts as special feathers, huayruros, horseshoes, etc. For me, that environment was complete strange, but for my host all of them, images, tools and artifacts were naturally accommodated in a mosaic of complete equity and harmony.

  2. #2
    sarat_106 is offline Key Member
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      • English Teacher
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    Exclamation Re: It is a very short paragraph!

    Quote Originally Posted by yrmacita View Post
    I would like to have suggestions about my writing, please give a hand!

    When I was 10, my family moved to a small town 100 km to the south of Lima. The town based its economy on the exports of agricultural products (mainly pomegranates and figs). Its small population was characterized by (based on) strong familial ties and ancient traditional customs and values. My town would probably be one (more) of the few typical towns of the extended Peruvian coast, had it not been for a (n) special icon that distinguished it among others, its colonial church that was conspicuous (could be distinguished) miles away. Every year, in august 15th, the celebration of (for) the Virgin Asuncion de Maria is held in the plaza in front of the church, an event that has a mandatory character for the priest of the town as well as (for) the entire citizens. The Catholic doctrine rigidly commanded the spiritual and moral paths of the community, however, as I vividly recollected (appreciated), there were thousands of different forms in which people lived to realize higher level of their spirituality (being).
    One day one of my new friends in the town invited me to his house, he proudly wanted to show me the convalescent roster that won the more important cockfight championship of the area the week before. While we were approaching to the roster cages, I saw the images hanging on the walls of the lord of Miracles, Virgin Mary, la Sarita, Equeko, etc and a number of religious artifacts as special feathers, huayruros, horseshoes, etc. For me, that environment appeared (was) complete strange, but for my host all of them, images, tools and artifacts were naturally accommodated in a mosaic of complete equity and harmony.
    A well written text having few mistakes. Delete words in brackets.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: It is a very short paragraph!

    GRACIAS! Thank you very much for your help and commentaries.

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