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  1. Ever Student's Avatar
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    #1

    Question would you Please correct my passage

    Hello There,
    sending a paragraph called "hospitality", yet I have not recieved any reply.
    I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU CAN TAKE A GLANCE AT THAT.

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      • Retired English Teacher
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    #2

    Re: would you Please correct my passage

    Quote Originally Posted by taghavi View Post
    Hello There,
    sending a paragraph called "hospitality", yet I have not recieved any reply.
    I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU CAN TAKE A GLANCE AT THAT.
    Am searching for your paragraph-I would be glad to help you.

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: would you Please correct my passage

    Quote Originally Posted by taghavi View Post
    Hello There,
    sending a paragraph called "hospitality", yet I have not recieved any reply.
    I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU CAN TAKE A GLANCE AT THAT.
    Sarat has edited it:


    Originally Posted by taghavi
    "Hospitality"

    A table is set along with cooked rice, dish of rice with chopped meat, vegetable, and spices. Pieces of spicy chickens were placed/prepared in the middle of the table. China dishes, forks and spoons were shining under the lights. The salad (was) dressed by circles of tomato and cucumber, and the orange color of carrot made the table look more tempting. The first offering by host started and the guests began having dinner. Glasses were filled with cool drinks in which tiny pieces (sheets) of ice were dancing. The guests continued (had been) eating food and drinking beverage while competing with each (every) other (one). Nobody was able to catch up with the guests' speed in this eating race. As time passed by (The more time passed the) more and more pieces of spicy (poor) Chickens removed. Then came the (Now that was a) time for having ice cream (as a) dessert which was covered by a lump of cocoa cream as well as two cherries on it. No sooner (had) the guests finished their ice cream than bowls of dried nuts offered (came up) before their eyes. The sight made their eyes got almond like and lips twisted. When (While) the first pistachio opened, the last dessert prepared- Then cups of tea with a bunch of cookies were served. Evry one ate so much that their (The) stomach (is the organ inside one's body) where food is digested, appeared as if was going to burst (up but). So they felt ashamed and waited until getting back home.

  3. Ever Student's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: would you Please correct my passage

    I am not sure if all red words are the reaction to my erros.

  4. Raymott's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: would you Please correct my passage

    Quote Originally Posted by taghavi View Post
    I am not sure if all red words are the reaction to my erros.
    No. Sarat likes to rephrase and change sentences a lot. They are suggestions of what he thinks sounds better, or just suggestions about different ways it could be said - perhaps leading the poster to wonder what her mistakes really were, as you are.
    But then, he possibly thinks I don't correct enough. I prefer a minimalist correction of essays precisely to avoid this sort of misunderstanding.
    It's different styles.
    Last edited by Raymott; 15-Aug-2009 at 08:58.

  5. Ever Student's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: would you Please correct my passage

    Hi Raymoth,
    Nice to meet you again.
    HOWEVER, I prefer you and other native English speakers' correction. It helps me more.

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