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  1. #1
    dhanh90 is offline Newbie
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    TOEFL essay: please help...correct mistakes.

    “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has
    nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the
    quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your
    position.
    Many people believe that luck is always a key feature for every success. But I personally agree with following statement “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.”
    First of all, people will never get successful with only luck, but hard work. Do sir Newton discovery gravity force if he only witnesses the apple falling down the ground? Of course it is not. After a brilliant breakdown is constantly work. Newton also said that 99% of his success came from diligence.
    Secondly, Lazy and disable people often claim that if they have chance to meet a good opportunity, they would succeed. Have they ever thought that no one want to hire give them chance because of their manners? Before thinking of success, we have to consider our diligence as a first concern, next is talent. Luck is just a mental factor created in our mind in order to inspire ourselves go through difficulties.
    Last but not least, success that gains from our hard work will be more sustainable than one that comes from luck. Suppose that the one who does not want to do anything excepting buying lottery everyday. One day he win a special lottery’s prize and turn to be millionaire. Is this considered as success? If yes, will this success be stable? There is the only thing we know for sure is we are capable to maintain our success if we are diligent, enthusiasm, creative in our work.
    For these reasons above, luck is just nothing on the way to succeed; we must be a hard-working people if want to be successful.
    Thanks in advance.



  2. #2
    1984law's Avatar
    1984law is offline Member
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    Re: TOEFL essay: please help...correct mistakes.

    Quote Originally Posted by dhanh90 View Post
    “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has
    nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the
    quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your
    position.
    Many people believe that luck is always a key feature for every success. But I personally agree with the following statement “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.”
    First of all, people will never get successful only because of luck, but because of hard work. Would sir Newton discovery gravity force if he had only witnessed the apple falling down the tree (I would write) ground? Of course not. After a brilliant breakthrough comes constant work. Newton also said that 99% of his success came from diligence.
    Secondly, lazy and disabled people often claim that if they had the chance, if they had the opportunity , they would have succeed. Have they ever thought that no one wants to hire or give them a chance because of their mannners? In order to succed we have to have diligence as a first concern, and then talent. Luck is just a factor created in our mind in order to inspire ourselves to see us through difficulties.
    Last but not least, success that comes from our hard work will be more durable than one that comes from luck. Suppose that the one who does not want to do anything except buying lottery everyday, will one day win the special lottery’s prize and becomes a millionaire. Is this considered a success? If yes, will this success be stable? The only thing we know for sure ,is that we are capable to maintain our success if we are diligent, enthusiastic, creative in our work.
    For all these reasons , luck has nothing to do with sucess; we must work hard if we want to succed.
    Thanks in advance.

    That is how I would correct your essay. Nice work.

  3. #3
    1984law's Avatar
    1984law is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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    Re: TOEFL essay: please help...correct mistakes.

    Many people believe that luck is always a key feature for every success. But I personally agree with the following statement “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.”
    First of all, people will never get successful only because of luck, but because of hard work. Would sir Newton discovery gravity force if he had only witnessed the apple falling down the tree (I would write) ground? Of course not. After a brilliant breakthrough comes constant work. Newton also said that 99% of his success came from diligence.

    Secondly, lazy and disabled people often claim that if they had the chance, if they had the opportunity , they would have succeed. Have they ever thought that no one wants to hire or give them a chance because of their mannners? In order to succed we have to have diligence as a first concern, and then talent. Luck is just a factor created in our mind in order to inspire ourselves to see us through difficulties.
    Last but not least, success that comes from our hard work will be more durable than one that comes from luck. Suppose that the one who does not want to do anything except buying lottery everyday, will one day win the special lottery’s prize and becomes a millionaire. Is this considered a success? If yes, will this success be stable? The only thing we know for sure ,is that we are capable to maintain our success if we are diligent, enthusiastic, creative in our work.
    For all these reasons , luck has nothing to do with sucess; we must work hard if we want to succed.
    Thanks in advance.

    That is how I would correct your essay. Nice work.

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