Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    momoci is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Wink (TOEFL)Plz correct my essay,thanks!

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
    It is better to take the most difficult or challenging classes in college or at university even if it means that you probably will not get top grades (marks) in them.

    I agree with the statement that taking the most difficult or challenging classes in college or at university is better than taking those easy courses even if it means that you probably will not get top grades in them. However, this statement overlooks two important aspects: first, do you like those difficult or challenging classes? Second, do you realize that the grades do have some inevitable influence when you step into the society? My points of contention will include these two arguments, as discussed below.
    According to this statement, I guess it want to imply an assertion that knowledge is more important than grade. Although it troubling in two respects, to some extent, I strongly agree with this assertion. Being a student, our ultimate purpose is to learn knowledge, to satisfy our insatiable appetite for knowledge and our craving to understand the world around us. Grade is just a standard that schools estimate our learning results, we are learning for knowledge not grade. Therefore, in term of this view, I think it is appropriate to assign a higher priority to courses than to grade.
    On the other hand are two compelling arguments against the statement. One such argument is that it has no sense that if you do not like the courses you choose although they might teach you a lot. I assert that interest is very important in one's learning. That is why we choose a major in university. For instance, I majored in computer science, so I like the courses majored in technical field or mathematics. Because of my interest, I feel less enthusiasm in some literature lessons. Moreover, I like to choose some very difficult math courses even if some students thought that it is so challenging for them to get a great mark. However, I do not care, for the reason that I like them. Also I find that if you like the courses, no matter how difficult they are, you can learn the knowledge you want, and you are happy for doing so. In addition, it is easy for you to get a top grade.
    The second argument is although I agree with that knowledge is more important than grade, having a higher grade is beneficial for you when you find jobs or further your study. Because in today’s world many people judge a person by their grades or GPA, there is no doubt that the grade is a standard to evaluate you ability indeed.
    In sum, I fundamentally agree with the statement that we students should pay more attention to our study to advance more knowledge and develop ourselves, but we cannot ignore the interest and realistic condition. After all, we live in a challengeable society.

  2. #2
    Lady Hawk is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    107
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: (TOEFL)Plz correct my essay,thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by momoci View Post
    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
    It is better to take the most difficult or challenging classes in college or at university even if it means that you probably will not get top grades (marks) in them.

    I agree with the statement that taking the most difficult or challenging classes in college or at university is better than taking those easy courses even if it means that you probably will not get top grades in them. However, this statement overlooks two important aspects: first, do you like those difficult or challenging classes? Second, do you realize that the grades do have some inevitable influence when you step into the society? My points of contention will include these two arguments, as discussed below.
    According to this statement, I guess it want to imply an assertion that knowledge is more important than grade. Although it troubling in two respects, to some extent, I strongly agree with this assertion. Being a student, our ultimate purpose is to learn knowledge, to satisfy our insatiable appetite for knowledge and our craving to understand the world around us. Grade is just a standard that schools estimate our learning results, we are learning for knowledge not grade. Therefore, in term of this view, I think it is appropriate to assign a higher priority to courses than to grade.
    On the other hand are two compelling arguments against the statement. One such argument is that it has no sense that if you do not like the courses you choose although they might teach you a lot. I assert that interest is very important in one's learning. That is why we choose a major in university. For instance, I majored in computer science, so I like the courses majored in technical field or mathematics. Because of my interest, I feel less enthusiasm in some literature lessons. Moreover, I like to choose some very difficult math courses even if some students thought that it is so challenging for them to get a great mark. However, I do not care, for the reason that I like them. Also I find that if you like the courses, no matter how difficult they are, you can learn the knowledge you want, and you are happy for doing so. In addition, it is easy for you to get a top grade.
    The second argument is although I agree with that knowledge is more important than grade, having a higher grade is beneficial for you when you find jobs or further your study. Because in today’s world many people judge a person by their grades or GPA, there is no doubt that the grade is a standard to evaluate you ability indeed.
    In sum, I fundamentally agree with the statement that we students should pay more attention to our study to advance more knowledge and develop ourselves, but we cannot ignore the interest and realistic condition. After all, we live in a challengeable society.

    I took some time to read through your short essay. Rather than make any corrections at this point, I want to make some suggestions.

    1. Restate your prompt in the form of a question
    2. Avoid using the personal pronoun "you"
    3. Go back and outline your essay
    4. Use an example for both of your views.
    5. Tighten the focus
    6. Avoid giving personal opinion until summary/conclusion
    7. Spelling (1)
    8. Punctuation after transitional phrases, i.e. On the other hand,
    9. several minor grammatical errors
    10. It needs more unity

    I. Introduction - restate the prompt in question form

    A. Knowledge over grades-Choose challenging courses even though as top grade may not be achieved
    1. Requires effort
    2. Earned grade rather than given
    3. Provide a clear, detailed example (personal, or otherwise)


    B. Grades over knowledge-Choose courses that are interesting to achieve good grades
    1. Stay interested
    2. Grades are easily achieved-does not mean learning took place
    3. Provide a clear, detailed example (your personal example was good)

    C. Conclusion-Restate what you wrote in a different way, provide your own opinion here

    Rewrite your essay following the outline, and I think you will agree that the thoughts flow much better and it will be more well-developed which strengthen it overall.

  3. #3
    Fariza is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: (TOEFL)Plz correct my essay,thanks!

    Please can you correct and evaluate my TOEFL essay, thank you!!!!
    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?People cannot form lasting relationship in big cities.
    I strongly disagree with the statement that people cannot form lasting relationship in big cities, because you have a lot of chances to meet and to form relationship. And I am confident that one of these relationships will be lasting and unforgettable.
    Firstly, it is easier to form lasting relationship in big cities because there are a lot of people, and certainly you will find an ideal person to yourself. Even if a person will not form, he/she will have a lot of opportunities to form lasting relationship in the future, because big cities have a variety of entertaintment places to find a person with same interests, appropriate character and feelings.
    Personally, I would like to form relationship in big city, because I am used to live in big city and I cannot move to small city. Therefore it will be tough to have a boyfriend from another city. In my opinion the relationship between people in big cities will not be boring, because as I mentioned before big cities have more things to do such as parks, clubs and other entertaintment places. Relationship will be more interesting and exciting, therefore it will be lasting. In addition, if relationship has not any problems, you will be confident of its strength.
    A big city gives good opportunities not only in lasting relationship between man and women but also between partners in working area. Big city have most important companies and of course people. A person has more chances to find a partner in his/her field, what is impossible in small cities. So if you have more chances, it means that one of these opportunities certainly will be lasting.
    Ultimately, I believe that big city is the city of big opportunities; therefore people will be able to form lasting relationship in big cities.

Similar Threads

  1. [General] Correct use of 'Program' and 'Programme'
    By jasont in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 26-Apr-2010, 10:08
  2. Can you please correct these sentences?
    By twilit1988 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 16-Jul-2009, 04:52
  3. can you help me
    By student2007 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 15-Mar-2009, 09:41
  4. [Idiom] Difficult Test
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 12-Mar-2009, 18:07
  5. Correct them plz
    By twilit1988 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 22-Oct-2008, 14:54

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk