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  1. #1
    Ramid Guest

    It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    Our Dreams

    December 13,2001, this day for some people, maybe it was just an ordinary day. But for me, it was the most remarkable day in my life: It was the day that, I, a twelve years old Chinese girl, who become an American resident. Remember when our plane landed on the SFO, my mind was fill with so many question marks: What should I do when I meet the new people, can I be able to get along with all those new faces, yet there was many other obstacles that I had never imagined about.
    Two day after we settled down, my parents were busy to find jobs and an apartment. But the point is, they both donít know English, so who do you think in the world would hire these two non-English speakers? My dad, who has tons of prides on himself, couldnít tolerate these low-income jobs. He then asked my mom to go back to China (since the only reason we come here is for my education), but my mom wouldnít let me live in a strange country alone, but I know the other reason in my heart, she really wanted me become success. So she ended up working in a Chinese market (wash dishes). And my dad went back to China, but he promised to send us $400 every month. Anyway, there was another problem, living. We soon found out that even a one-bedroom apartment had to be at least $800 per month. Obviously, we couldnít afford these expensive apartment with my momís $800 and my dadís $400. However, bad things never last long. My aunt, Litu said we could live in her house as long as we have enough income to afford an apartment.
    Again, there was another major problem waiting for me. As soon as I enroll in an elementary school nearby my auntís house, I noticed it was the beginning of my tragedy: communication becomes an unsolvable challenge for me. I desperately wanted to go back to China during those days. My confidents gradually faded away through the embarrassments I experienced everyday. But, I promised my mom, who has very high expectation on me, I wouldnít let myself continue in this awkward situation any longer. I have to overcome all those difficulties and learn English.
    After three years hard works, I eventually know how to write and read most common English, while I am still struggling on speaking fluent English and the Grammar. But, Mom, I wonít let you down, youíll see your daughter become successful very soon, and your dream and my dream are going to be come true.

  2. #2
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    Re: It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ramid
    Our Dreams

    December 13,2001, this day for some people, maybe it was just an ordinary day. But for me, it was the most remarkable day in my life: It was the day that, I, a twelve years old Chinese girl, who become an American resident. Remember when our plane landed on the SFO, my mind was fill with so many question marks: What should I do when I meet the new people, can I be able to get along with all those new faces, yet there was many other obstacles that I had never imagined about.
    December 13, 2001 was a day that for most people was just an ordinary day, but for me it was the most remarkable day in my life. It was the day that I, a twelve-year-old Chinese girl, became an American resident. I remember that when our plane landed on the SFO my mind was filled with many questions: what should I do when I meet new people; will I be able to get along with everybody? I would encounter other obstacles that I hadn't even imagined.


  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Re: It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ramid
    Two day after we settled down, my parents were busy to find jobs and an apartment. But the point is, they both donít know English, so who do you think in the world would hire these two non-English speakers? My dad, who has tons of prides on himself, couldnít tolerate these low-income jobs. He then asked my mom to go back to China (since the only reason we come here is for my education), but my mom wouldnít let me live in a strange country alone, but I know the other reason in my heart, she really wanted me become success. So she ended up working in a Chinese market (wash dishes). And my dad went back to China, but he promised to send us $400 every month. Anyway, there was another problem, living. We soon found out that even a one-bedroom apartment had to be at least $800 per month. Obviously, we couldnít afford these expensive apartment with my momís $800 and my dadís $400. However, bad things never last long. My aunt, Litu said we could live in her house as long as we have enough income to afford an apartment.
    Two days after we settled down my parents were busy trying to find jobs and an apartment. But neither of them could speak English, so they had trouble finding jobs. My dad, who has tons of pride in himself, couldn't stand the idea of working at a low-income job. He asked my mom to go back to China (since the only reason we came here was for my education), but my mom wouldnít let me live in a strange country alone, and she really wanted me to become a success. She ended up working in a Chinese market washing dishes. My dad went back to China, but he promised to send us $400 every month.

    Another problem was finding a place to live that we could afford. We soon found out that even a one bedroom apartment would cost at least $800 a month. Obviously, we couldnít afford those expensive apartments with my momís $800 and my dadís $400. However, bad things never last long. My aunt Litu said we could live in her house as long as we had enough income to afford an apartment.


  4. #4
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    Re: It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ramid
    Again, there was another major problem waiting for me. As soon as I enroll in an elementary school nearby my auntís house, I noticed it was the beginning of my tragedy: communication becomes an unsolvable challenge for me. I desperately wanted to go back to China during those days. My confidents gradually faded away through the embarrassments I experienced everyday. But, I promised my mom, who has very high expectation on me, I wouldnít let myself continue in this awkward situation any longer. I have to overcome all those difficulties and learn English.
    After three years hard works, I eventually know how to write and read most common English, while I am still struggling on speaking fluent English and the Grammar. But, Mom, I wonít let you down, youíll see your daughter become successful very soon, and your dream and my dream are going to be come true.

    Another major problem was communication. As soon as I enrolled at an elementary school near my aunt's house I realized that I couldn't understand the other kids and they couldn't understand me. With the embarrassments I suffered every day, my confidence gradually faded away. But I promised my mom, who has very high expectations of me, that I wouldn't let myself continue in that awkward situation. I was determined to overcome all those difficulties and learn English.


    After three years of hard work, I eventually learned how to read and write most common English, but I am still struggling to learn to speak English fluently, and I still have problems with English grammar. Mom, I wonít let you down Youíll see your daughter become successful very soon, and your dreams and my dreams are going to come true.



    What do you think?




  5. #5
    Ramid Guest

    Re: It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    It sounds much better to me. Thank you very much...
    P.S. Can't believe how bad my grammar is.

  6. #6
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    Re: It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    Considering that you have only been studying English for three years or so, it is not bad at all.


  7. #7
    Ramid Guest

    Re: It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    Not really, I went a special English school when I was in first grade, but I procrastinated alot, so... ^_^...

    P.S. I remember those classes were so expensive~~~

  8. #8
    Ramid Guest

    Re: It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    And it's nice that you actually corrected the whole essay.

    P.S. I will never have the patience to read through the whole thing.

  9. #9
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    Re: It's a very boring essay, but can you please help me to correct it. (Our Dream)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ramid
    Not really, I went a special English school when I was in first grade, but I procrastinated alot, so... ^_^...

    P.S. I remember those classes were so expensive~~~
    I once wrote a poem about procrastination, but I put off writing it down for so long that I forgot it.


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