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    #1

    Talking Could you please help review my essay?

    Topic:As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being.
      What are the factors that contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?



    My essay:
    It goes without saying that work plays a major part in the whole lifetime of a person.As a result,job satisfaction is considered an element of an individual happiness.There are three main factors contributing to satistying with job.However,it is not always that job are shared equally for all working people.

    For one thing,getting a fair salary is always workersí desire.After spending all their time and energy working,each worker hope to receive what they deserved.Itís evident that when an employee gets a low pay ,he tends to be thoroughly dissatisfied with their job.

    Another factor should be considered here is a good employer.He must be the one who know how to encourage and motivate their workers to work harder.Beside,the employer should be the one who understand and meet basic demands of their workers.This results in satisfaction in job of each worker.

    Last but not least,one canít be pleased with their job if they must do what is not their majors.For examples,some graduated students who are unemployed for a long time try to seek a certain job.This is not compatible with what they learned at university.They get bored and donít evaluate the job which they are doing.

    However,there is a fact that not every workers obtain job satisfaction.Some of them must work in poor conditions ,thereby affecting seriously their health and life.Some may get a bad treatment from their bosses or a low-paying.Especially ,workers in poor countries canít expect job satisfaction like those in developed countries.

    In a nutshell,along with other factors,job satisfaction also the key to a happy life.Their are three contributory elements to this which are good salary,encouraging bosses and a suitable jov.Nevertheless,not every employees have job satisfaction.


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    #2

    Re: Could you please help review my essay?

    This essay is tightly-organized, with no useless digressions. It has a good vocabulary, and it used English very well, perfectly conveying the ideas it means to express.

    It is not particularly deep, so it would be improved by more sophisticated thoughts on the topic -- even if coming up with those ideas required research.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    It goes without saying that work plays a major part in the whole lifetime of a person.As a result,job satisfaction is considered an element of an individual happiness.There are three main factors contributing to satistying with job.However,it is not always that job are shared equally for all working people.

    Work plays such a large role in a person's life, and occupies so many of his waking hours, that job satisfaction is necessarily an element of individual happiness.



    For one thing,getting a fair salary is always workers’ desire.After spending all their time and energy working,each worker hope to receive what they deserved.It’s evident that when an employee gets a low pay ,he tends to be thoroughly dissatisfied with their job.

    Job satisfaction depends on three principle factors.The most important one is salary. A good salary is a critical path to enjoying life's opportunities. And workers want to feel that their labor is fairly compensated. Low pay necessarily leads to dissatisfaction with one's job.



    Another factor should be considered here is a good employer.He must be the one who know how to encourage and motivate their workers to work harder.Beside,the employer should be the one who understand and meet basic demands of their workers.This results in satisfaction in job of each worker.


    A second element in job satisfaction is having a good employer. A good employer knows how to encourage and motivate his employees; he understands their needs and meets their basic demands.



    Last but not least,one can’t be pleased with their job if they must do what is not their majors.For examples,some graduated students who are unemployed for a long time try to seek a certain job.This is not compatible with what they learned at university.They get bored and don’t evaluate the job which they are doing.

    The final element in job satisfaction is having work that is appropriate to the employee's skills and gratifying to his intellect. College graduates who are forced to accept low-level positions, for example, soon find themselves bored and unhappy.




    However,there is a fact that not every workers obtain job satisfaction.Some of them must work in poor conditions ,thereby affecting seriously their health and life.Some may get a bad treatment from their bosses or a low-paying.Especially ,workers in poor countries can’t expect job satisfaction like those in developed countries.

    Unfortunately, not every worker can find a job that is satisfying. Some people work in poor conditions, sometimes even under circumstances that damage their health. Some workers may experience bad treatment from the employer, or earn very little money. In poor nations, job satisfaction can hardly be expected to the degree that it is in developed countries.



    In a nutshell,along with other factors,job satisfaction also the key to a happy life.Their are three contributory elements to this which are good salary,encouraging bosses and a suitable jov.Nevertheless,not every employees have job satisfaction.

    Job satisfaction is one of the keys to a happy life. Not everyone can find a job that is richly satisfying, but everyone can at least try to equip himself with marketable skills in a field he loves. Working consumes most of our waking hours. It is worth our while to make sacrifices in our youth to ensure that our adult lives will be lived in happiness and prosperity.



    DEAR STUDENT:

    A recent study just found that making more money than "just enough" (for food, shelter, clothing, etc -- which was defined as "around $40,000 per year" for US workers) added very little to happiness.

    Maybe you can enrich this essay by focusing on some one segment of the topic. I think it is untrue that job satisfaction depends on the three narrow elements you have defined.

    1) After you make enough money to meet your needs, happiness consists of work that you enjoy, that is suited to the kind of person you are, that matches the skills you have, and that is perpetually interesting and challenging.

    2) Maybe you can address the role of labor unions in gaining good conditions of labor and good pay. Also the government has a role in establishing conditions and wages

    3) Maybe you can speak about the causes for misery in work:
    - systematic exploitation of the poor by the rich
    - inadequate infrastructure to offer good positions in society
    - failure of the individual to stay in school, avoid trouble, etc
    - personal exploitation of individuals by individuals -- even criminals

    4) Maybe you can describe the psychological elements that make a job a "good, satisfying job" -- autonomy, challenge, variety, decision-making, pleasant companionship, worthiness of the outcome, prestige, salary, etc.

    5) Maybe you can point out that not everyone wants the same kind of job. For some people, long-distance trucking is the ideal job; for others, teaching history for 40 years defines a perfect life.

    Best wishes in your studies.
    Last edited by Ann1977; 10-Sep-2009 at 18:23.


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    #3

    Re: Could you please help review my essay?

    I have some other questions:
    "This is not compatible with what they learned at university".In this sentence,should the word "compatible" be used?

    I want to improve my flexibility in my writing and broaden my ideas.I also want to have more deep thought.How can I improve this?


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    #4

    Re: Could you please help review my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by vananh90 View Post
    I have some other questions:
    "This is not compatible with what they learned at university".In this sentence,should the word "compatible" be used?
    I don't think that the issue is the failure of "compatibility." That would suggest that their low-level work was in CONTRADICTION to what they learned in school -- say, that they had to perform agricultural tasks that did not agree with principles of they learned in college Botany courses.

    For example, folk magic planting rituals practiced to the detriment of future crops would not be COMPATIBLE with what they learned in school; this behavior would CONTRADICT what they learned in school.

    The problem with low-level jobs for highly-educated people is that the work does not UTILIZE what they learned at university.

    Quote Originally Posted by vananh90 View Post
    I want to improve my flexibility in my writing and broaden my ideas.I also want to have more deep thought.How can I improve this?
    I always think it's funny when students respond literally to an assignment to "write what they think." The reason that they are students in the first place -- and not professors -- is that they don't have much thinking to write down.

    Yet they are offended and put out when I suggest that their essay on a great poem or the economics of milk distribution would be greatly improved by some research on what the EXPERTS think. They act as though they cherish their own shallow thoughts so much that they think their ideas are too precious to be corrected or improved.

    If I were a student, I wouldn't even DREAM of tackling this essay without finding out some actual information about it, and I wouldn't even START to write it until after I had read up on some deep thinking by experts.

    In this case, I would have Googled "job satisfaction."

    Job satisfaction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Job Satisfaction

    Job satisfaction: Strategies to make work more gratifying - MayoClinic.com

    The Career Key™ - Career Options - Job Satisfaction

    2009 Employee Job Satisfaction Survey Report

    One or two hours of reading would make you the biggest expert on job satisfaction -- and one with the deepest and most sophisticated thoughts -- that you will ever meet as long as you live.

    Think about this: EVERY time you have an hour or two to spend reading, you can become the biggest expert and most sophisticated thinker you will ever know on any topic you desire.

    So the answer to the question "How can I get deeper, more sophisticated thoughts?" is:
    Commune with experts.
    Last edited by Ann1977; 11-Sep-2009 at 19:41.


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    #5

    Re: Could you please help review my essay?

    thanks a lot for your advices.
    This is a random topic that I chose from my book.
    I just want to write it from what I have known and then refer to some documents.Because I'm afraid that I must do it on my own when I take the examination.
    thank you once again.
    Best wishes
    Van Anh


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    #6

    Re: Could you please help review my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by vananh90 View Post
    thanks a lot for your advices.
    This is a random topic that I chose from my book.
    I just want to write it from what I have known and then refer to some documents.Because I'm afraid that I must do it on my own when I take the examination.
    thank you once again.
    Best wishes
    Van Anh
    Yes, I see.

    If it is just what is called a "prompt" -- a topic suggestion to get you writing -- then it is not the ideas that are important, but rather the practice in writing English.

    In that case, this was quite a good effort. The structure was clean and logical; the essay did not ramble or go off-topic. Even better, there was never a place where your thoughts were not communicated clearly.

    I have noticed that under some circumstances, people learning a foreign language roll back the level of their expression to "match" the inability they feel -- even when they don't have to.

    One student said to me, "In my country it is easier for people to do bad things than it is in the United States."
    I asked her, "What do you mean by 'bad things'?"
    She said, "Crimes."

    I wonder why she did not say "crimes" in the first place. It is almost as though her awareness of being somewhat handicapped in expressing herself -- her limitations in vocabulary -- made her revert to baby talk (even when the word "crimes" was in her vocabulary.)

    Learners of a foreign language should resist the impulse to juvenilize their vocabulary or their ideas. They should express sophisticated ideas as well as they can. It does not help to speak baby talk, to use childish sentence structure, or to state only childish ideas on the grounds that these ideas are all that your vocabulary will permit you to express.

    Your essay had a great deal of merit as an exercise in written English. As such, it did not need complicated research on the topic. It was quite well done for what it was intended to be.

    Best wishes in your studies,
    ~ Ann


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    #7

    Re: Could you please help review my essay?

    Yes ,this is my practice in writing English and you've pointed out the problem that we students usually meet.Like you said,I sometimes just can't express my mind though I know the words.
    I hope to improve this .
    Thank you for your encouraging and precious words.
    Best wishes and have a nice weekend!
    Van Anh

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