Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    peppy_man is offline Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    296
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Please correct my essay.

    My favorite movie

    My favorite movie is 'Rain man'.
    The main character of the movie is managing a small company.
    His relationship with his father was bad. They had never met for over ten years.
    When his father died, he was notified that he could not receive his father's legacy.

    The beneficiary of the legacy was a person who lived in facilities for challenged people.
    He suffered from autism and could not communicate with others.
    Later the main character knew that the autistic man was his elder brother.
    The main character kidnapped his brother for ransom and threatened the facilities to send the money his brother received as his father's legacy.

    In many situations, however, the main character had to take care of his autistic brother and faced so many troubles caused by his brother's autistic behaviors, many of which are so frustrating for him.
    He had never experienced that kind of trouble in his life.

    Due to his long absence from his company, his company suffered a heavy loss.
    The situation was getting more and more difficult, but he hit on an idea.
    The people with autism have special talents and abilities, particualrly in memory.
    The main character of the movie thought that he could use his brother's extraordinarily strong memory in a gamble and
    took his brother to Las Vegas.
    They hit the jackpot.
    It was a huge success.

    After that, the main character started to admire his brother as a human.
    His attitude toward his autistic brother completely changed.
    At this point, the money his brother owned was not important for him.
    It was not much concern for him that he had kidnapped his brother for ransom.

    In conclusion, 'Rain Man' is a movie about a brother-brother relationship, but what's more impressive is
    that this type of movie attracted so much attention in this materialized world.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    43,580
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Please correct my essay.

    I'll start:
    My favorite movie is 'Rain man'.
    The main character of the movie is managing a small company.
    His relationship with his father was bad. They had never met for over ten years.
    When his father died, he was notified that he could not receive his father's legacy.
    Ok, now there's no need for this to be divided up like this- it makes it more difficult to read:

    My favorite movie is 'Rain man'. The main character of the movie is managing a small company. His relationship with his father was bad. They had never met for over ten years. When his father died, he was notified that he could not receive his father's legacy.

    Secondly, 'is managing' should be 'manages'. The second and third sentences don't connect very well, so why not join them:

    The main character of the movie is the manager of a small company, whose relationship with his father was bad.

    Lastly, how about 'would not receive'?

  3. #3
    peppy_man is offline Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    296
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Please correct my essay.

    Sorry for the delay in replying.
    tdol, thank you for correcting my essay.
    It's a great help for me.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    43,580
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Please correct my essay.

    You're welcome.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    727
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Please correct my essay.

    They had never met for over ten years????

  6. #6
    peppy_man is offline Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    296
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Please correct my essay.

    >They had never met for over ten years????

    They had not met for over ten years.

    Correct????

Similar Threads

  1. Please correct my essay
    By Dany in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 22-Dec-2004, 12:17
  2. Teachers, may you please correct my essay.
    By hmong04 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-Jul-2004, 09:01
  3. please help me to correct my essay. thanks a million.
    By eric2004 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 05-Nov-2003, 14:10
  4. Would you correct this new essay?
    By aleycris in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 29-Oct-2003, 16:41
  5. Would you correct this essay?
    By aleycris in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 18-Oct-2003, 22:05

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •