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Thread: Text correction

  1. #1
    gayanah's Avatar
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    Default Text correction

    Dear teachers check this text please.
    Thank you in advance.


    "Pawnshops network"
    The first pawnshop of "X" network was founded in 1994.
    Now the number of pawnshops belonging to the company is grown to six.
    "X" pawnshops loan money for a term of 1-30 days.
    Loans are given beginning from 4% interest.
    From 5.000 to 99.000 d. are loaned at а rate of 6% interest per month (0.2% interest per day),
    which you can repay beginning just from the next day and repay only for that or others days' interest.
    The pawnshops work every day twenty-four-hour.
    The loans of "X" LLC are acting by the following addresses:
    "Car Pawn"
    "X" LLC give loans for car pawning.
    Cars of foreign production: beginning from 2004.
    Cars of Russian production: beginning from 2008.
    Loan is given at the amount of 25-30% of car's appreciated value.
    The conditions of loaning up to 99.000 d.
    The pawnshop gives loans at a rate mentioned in the pawn ticket, against which the borrower pawns the values mentioned in the pawn ticket.
    In order to receive the pledge back the borrower should warn beforehand. The pledge is given back only if the loan and its interests are repaid completely.
    The pledge is given back to the borrower (in case of his/her absence to the notarially authorised person) in the presence of pawn contract, pawn ticket and the borrower's passport.
    To do payments and get back the pledge address at any time of the day.
    The expiry date is considered overed at 24:00 of the foreseen repayment day.
    The borrower has а right to do his obligations mentioned in the pawn contract ahead of schedule. In this case the calculation of interest payment is done by the factual used days of the loan.
    The borrower has а right to put an end to the pawn contract unilaterally without any reason during the following seven workdays after its signing. In this case the borrower should pay the intersts at the annual factual rate for the used days of the loan.
    In case if the payment time is up and the loan isn't repaid completely, the pawnshop has а right to realize the pledge by out-of-court order.
    The pawnshop guarantees keeping the pledge. In case if the pledge is damaged or lost the pawnshop compensates losses at the amount of pledge's completely appreciated value.
    The pawnshop pays for the insurance, assessment and other subsidiary services (except for the assessment of cars, for which the borrower pays 5000 d. to the assessment organization).
    In case if the arguements concerning to this pawn contract aren't solved by talks, the borrower may address the conciliatory office of financial system.

  2. #2
    gayanah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Text correction

    Dear teachers please will anybody check this text?
    Thank you in advance.

  3. #3
    Ann1977 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Text correction


    > I think you should call the borrower "you"
    > To get back = to redeem
    > the pledge = collateral

    "Pawnshops network"
    THE PAWNSHOP NETWORK

    The first pawnshop of "X" network was founded in 1994.
    X Pawnshop was founded in 1994.

    Now the number of pawnshops belonging to the company is grown to six.
    Now we operate six pawnshops
    .

    "X" pawnshops loan money for a term of 1-30 days.
    X Pawnshops lend money for 1 to 30 days.

    Loans are given beginning from 4% interest.
    Interest rates start at 4%.

    From 5.000 to 99.000 d. are loaned at а rate of 6% interest per month (0.2% interest per day),
    Amounts between 5.000 d and 99.000 d are lent at the interest rate of 6% per month (0.2% interest per day).

    which you can repay beginning just from the next day
    You can begin repayment as early as the next day.

    and repay only for that or others days' interest.

    Interest is charged only for the number of days the loan is outstanding.

    The pawnshops work every day twenty-four-hour.
    The pawnshops are open 24 hours a day.

    The loans of "X" LLC are acting by the following addresses:
    (?) Our shops are located at the following addresses:



    "Car Pawn"
    PAWNING AUTOMOBILES

    "X" LLC give loans for car pawning.
    X LLC lends money on cars

    Cars of foreign production: beginning from 2004.
    - Foreign-made cars: models years between 2004 to 2009

    Cars of Russian production: beginning from 2008.
    Russian-made cars: model years 2008 and 2009

    Loan is given at the amount of 25-30% of car's appreciated value
    The loan is for 25% to 30% of the car's appreciated value
    NOTE: DO YOU MEAN "ASSESSED VALUE"

    The conditions of loaning up to 99.000 d.
    up to 99.000 d
    ??

    The pawnshop gives loans at a rate mentioned in the pawn ticket, against which the borrower pawns the values mentioned in the pawn ticket.
    The pawn ticket shows the amount of the loan, the interest rate and the your collateral

    In order to receive the pledge back the borrower should warn beforehand.
    Notify us in advance to redeem your collateral.

    The pledge is given back only if the loan and its interests are repaid completely.

    The loan must be repaid in full in order to redeem your collateral.

    The pledge is given back to the borrower (?? in case of his/her absence to the notarially authorised person) in the presence of pawn contract, pawn ticket and the borrower's passport.
    You must show your pawn contract, your pawn ticket, and your passport to redeem your collateral.

    To do payments and get back the pledge address at any time of the day.
    ???
    "to do payments" = to make payments
    "get back the pledge" = redeem your collateral

    The expiry date is considered overed at 24:00 of the foreseen repayment day.
    The loan expires at midnight (24:00) of the day the loan is due to be repaid in full.

    The borrower has а right to do his obligations mentioned in the pawn contract ahead of schedule.
    You can repay ahead of schedule.

    In this case the calculation of interest payment is done by the factual used days of the loan.

    Interest is charged only for the number of days that the loan was actually outstanding.

    The borrower has а right to put an end to the pawn contract unilaterally without any reason during the following seven workdays after its signing.
    (This is fine)

    In this case the borrower should pay the intersts at the annual factual rate for the used days of the loan.

    In this case, you pay the interest at the annual rate for the number of days the loan was outstanding

    In case if the payment time is up and the loan isn't repaid completely, the pawnshop has а right to realize the pledge by out-of-court order.
    If you do not repay in full by the due date, the pawnshop can realize the collateral by out-of-court order

    The pawnshop guarantees keeping the pledge.
    The pawnshop guarantees the condition of the collateral.

    In case if the pledge is damaged or lost the pawnshop compensates losses at the amount of pledge's completely appreciated value.

    If the collateral is damaged or lost, the pawnshop will compensate you for the total assessed value of the collateral.

    The pawnshop pays for the insurance, assessment and other subsidiary services (except for the assessment of cars, for which the borrower pays 5000 d. to the assessment organization).
    (This is fine)

    In case if the arguements concerning to this pawn contract aren't solved by talks, the borrower may address the conciliatory office of financial system.
    Disputes that are not solved by talking to the pawnshop may be addressed to the Conciliatory Office of (??)

    Dear Gayanah ~

    This is a legal document and a legal contract.
    You need to have it written by a lawyer.

    Best wishes,
    ~ Ann


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    Default Re: Text correction

    Great man . Good job , you really have spent time for this .

  5. #5
    rocking is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Text correction

    Ann, your generous help is impressive indeed. Sometimes we English learners are supposed to write anything we are assigned to - it's hard for people to know our limits although we do know what is beyond our ability. I am always nervous and have to learn all the time. Thanks for a chance to read the contract.

  6. #6
    gayanah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Text correction

    Quote Originally Posted by Ann1977 View Post

    > I think you should call the borrower "you"
    > To get back = to redeem
    > the pledge = collateral

    "Pawnshops network"
    THE PAWNSHOP NETWORK

    The first pawnshop of "X" network was founded in 1994.
    X Pawnshop was founded in 1994.

    Now the number of pawnshops belonging to the company is grown to six.
    Now we operate six pawnshops
    .

    "X" pawnshops loan money for a term of 1-30 days.
    X Pawnshops lend money for 1 to 30 days.

    Loans are given beginning from 4% interest.
    Interest rates start at 4%.

    From 5.000 to 99.000 d. are loaned at а rate of 6% interest per month (0.2% interest per day),
    Amounts between 5.000 d and 99.000 d are lent at the interest rate of 6% per month (0.2% interest per day).

    which you can repay beginning just from the next day
    You can begin repayment as early as the next day.

    and repay only for that or others days' interest.

    Interest is charged only for the number of days the loan is outstanding.

    The pawnshops work every day twenty-four-hour.
    The pawnshops are open 24 hours a day.

    The loans of "X" LLC are acting by the following addresses:
    (?) Our shops are located at the following addresses:



    "Car Pawn"
    PAWNING AUTOMOBILES

    "X" LLC give loans for car pawning.
    X LLC lends money on cars

    Cars of foreign production: beginning from 2004.
    - Foreign-made cars: models years between 2004 to 2009

    Cars of Russian production: beginning from 2008.
    Russian-made cars: model years 2008 and 2009

    Loan is given at the amount of 25-30% of car's appreciated value
    The loan is for 25% to 30% of the car's appreciated value
    NOTE: DO YOU MEAN "ASSESSED VALUE"

    The conditions of loaning up to 99.000 d.
    up to 99.000 d
    ??

    The pawnshop gives loans at a rate mentioned in the pawn ticket, against which the borrower pawns the values mentioned in the pawn ticket.
    The pawn ticket shows the amount of the loan, the interest rate and the your collateral

    In order to receive the pledge back the borrower should warn beforehand.
    Notify us in advance to redeem your collateral.

    The pledge is given back only if the loan and its interests are repaid completely.

    The loan must be repaid in full in order to redeem your collateral.

    The pledge is given back to the borrower (?? in case of his/her absence to the notarially authorised person) in the presence of pawn contract, pawn ticket and the borrower's passport.
    You must show your pawn contract, your pawn ticket, and your passport to redeem your collateral.

    To do payments and get back the pledge address at any time of the day.
    ???
    "to do payments" = to make payments
    "get back the pledge" = redeem your collateral

    The expiry date is considered overed at 24:00 of the foreseen repayment day.
    The loan expires at midnight (24:00) of the day the loan is due to be repaid in full.

    The borrower has а right to do his obligations mentioned in the pawn contract ahead of schedule.
    You can repay ahead of schedule.

    In this case the calculation of interest payment is done by the factual used days of the loan.

    Interest is charged only for the number of days that the loan was actually outstanding.

    The borrower has а right to put an end to the pawn contract unilaterally without any reason during the following seven workdays after its signing.
    (This is fine)

    In this case the borrower should pay the intersts at the annual factual rate for the used days of the loan.

    In this case, you pay the interest at the annual rate for the number of days the loan was outstanding

    In case if the payment time is up and the loan isn't repaid completely, the pawnshop has а right to realize the pledge by out-of-court order.
    If you do not repay in full by the due date, the pawnshop can realize the collateral by out-of-court order

    The pawnshop guarantees keeping the pledge.
    The pawnshop guarantees the condition of the collateral.

    In case if the pledge is damaged or lost the pawnshop compensates losses at the amount of pledge's completely appreciated value.

    If the collateral is damaged or lost, the pawnshop will compensate you for the total assessed value of the collateral.

    The pawnshop pays for the insurance, assessment and other subsidiary services (except for the assessment of cars, for which the borrower pays 5000 d. to the assessment organization).
    (This is fine)

    In case if the arguements concerning to this pawn contract aren't solved by talks, the borrower may address the conciliatory office of financial system.
    Disputes that are not solved by talking to the pawnshop may be addressed to the Conciliatory Office of (??)

    Dear Gayanah ~

    This is a legal document and a legal contract.
    You need to have it written by a lawyer.

    Best wishes,
    ~ Ann

    Hello dear Ann!
    Nice to meet you.
    I am so grateful for the nice job you have done for me.
    You see I've translated the text from Armenian and perhaps some mistakes are coming from the Armenian text.
    Thank you a lot.

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