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  1. #1
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    Default Is this sentence correct?

    Hi, my brother is writting a technical essay about rabbits. I have corrected this sentence he sent me. Is it correct?. Don´t mind about technical words:

    “Data of incidents, observed by chance, consisting in hind leg injuries in 96 kits of cage-born wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) kept in captivity for an experiment of growth were used. Progenitors of these kits came from the southern Iberian Peninsula”.

    The main idea must be that the leg injuries of the rabbits were observed by chance.

    Thanks in advance,


    Miki.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by miki
    Hi, my brother is writting a technical essay about rabbits. I have corrected this sentence he sent me. Is it correct?. Don´t mind about technical words:

    “Data of incidents, observed by chance, consisting in hind leg injuries in 96 kits of cage-born wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) kept in captivity for an experiment of growth were used. Progenitors of these kits came from the southern Iberian Peninsula”.

    The main idea must be that the leg injuries of the rabbits were observed by chance.

    Thanks in advance,


    Miki.
    Does the first sentence have to be so long? I know it's very technical but for clarity I would break it up somewhat and make it easier to read.
    See if that works for you:

    An experiment of growth in cage-born wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) was conducted on 96 kits. Those Southern Iberian Peninsula progenitors raised in captivity, were studied for the case of hind leg injuries on random basis.

    I am not quite sure what you mean by by chance.. I am guessing you mean randomly? Right?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Thanks you, Marylin. I agree with you about the lenght of the original sentence. But the meaning has changed in your reply. I have rewriten it:

    "Data from accidents observed in an experiment of growth were used. Those accidents, consisting in hind leg injuries, were observed fortuitously on 96 kits of cage-born wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) that were kept in captivity for an experiment of growth. Progenitors of those kits came from the southern Iberian Peninsula."

    Keep in mind that the main idea is that for a study, that my brother hasn`t specify me, were used data from accidents observed fortutously in a growth experiment. The rest of the sentence is to give more information to the reader.

    In my previous post, when I said "by chance", I meant fortuitously. So I have done in the new version.

    Thanks again,


    Miki.
    Last edited by miki; 19-Feb-2005 at 12:05.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by miki
    Thanks you, Marylin. I agree with you about the lenght of the original sentence. But the meaning has changed in your reply. I have rewriten it:

    "Data from accidents observed in an experiment of growth were used. Those accidents, consisting in hind leg injuries, were observed fortuitously on 96 kits of cage-born wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) that were kept in captivity for an experiment of growth. Progenitors of those kits came from the southern Iberian Peninsula."

    Keep in mind that the main idea is that for a study, that my brother hasn`t specify me, were used data from accidents observed fortutously in a growth experiment. The rest of the sentence is to give more information to the reader.

    In my previous post, when I said "by chance", I meant fortuitously. So I have done in the new version.

    Thanks again,


    Miki.
    I am still in the dark on a few things here but the main problem I have is in your usage of the word fortuitously. Let's figure out first what you mean by that:
    Are you saying that those observations were made on casual sort of basis -whenever you felt like it? The cages were inspected at random? I am trying to understand your English better and I hope I am getting closer.
    Please advice. Thank you.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by Marylin
    I am still in the dark on a few things here but the main problem I have is in your usage of the word fortuitously. Let's figure out first what you mean by that:
    Are you saying that those observations were made on casual sort of basis -whenever you felt like it? The cages were inspected at random? I am trying to understand your English better and I hope I am getting closer.
    Please advice. Thank you.

    observed fortuitously on randomly labeled data?
    Please, advice before I can make further sense of it.
    Thanks

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    I mean that those observations were made on casual sort of basis. That is, when my brother observed those accidents in the rabbits he didn’t expect it. Furthermore, he observed the injuries when he went to weight the rabbits. So, considering your last post, I think the paragraph can be:

    “Data from accidents observed in an experiment of growth were used. Those accidents, consisting in hind leg injuries, were observed on casual sort of basis on 96 kits of cage-born wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) that were kept in captivity for an experiment of growth. Progenitors of those kits came from the southern Iberian Peninsula.”

    Thanks you very much, Marylin. I'm learning a lot with your explanations, because I realize that I'm not able to express the ideas correctly.

    Thanks again,

    Miki.

  7. #7
    frchat Guest

    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    “Data from accidents observed in an experiment of growth were used. Those accidents, consisting in hind leg injuries, were observed on casual sort of basis on 96 kits of cage-born wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) that were kept in captivity for an experiment of growth. Progenitors of those kits came from the southern Iberian Peninsula.”

    Miki, you still have a problem with "observed on a casual sort of basis"

    You are saying your brother discovered the incidents accidently. Then you need to say that. You can have as many sentences as needed to explain what you mean.

    Try this:

    Data from a growth experiment in 96 wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) was used. Over the course of the observation, accidental hind leg injuries were discovered. Progenitors of these kits originated on the Southern Iberian Penisula.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by frchat
    “Data from accidents observed in an experiment of growth were used. Those accidents, consisting in hind leg injuries, were observed on casual sort of basis on 96 kits of cage-born wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) that were kept in captivity for an experiment of growth. Progenitors of those kits came from the southern Iberian Peninsula.”

    Miki, you still have a problem with "observed on a casual sort of basis"

    You are saying your brother discovered the incidents accidently. Then you need to say that. You can have as many sentences as needed to explain what you mean.

    Try this:

    Data from a growth experiment in 96 wild rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) was used. Over the course of the observation, accidental hind leg injuries were discovered. Progenitors of these kits originated on the Southern Iberian Penisula.
    I don't know much about rabbits or technical writiting for that matter but I think it is still important to mention that those are not just wild rabbits but cage born wild rabbits. I think they were born and raised in captivity and the accidental hind leg injuries were still being observed. That's probably big part of the experiment...eventhough they are not exposed to any outside elements, the leg still suffer from different injuries.

    How about:

    Data from a growth experiment on 96 wild rabbit kits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) was used. Over the course of the observation, accidental hind leg injuries were discovered. Progenitors of these kits originated from the Southern Iberian Penisula.

    Miki, please let us know if we are getting closer. For now, I will do the hippity-hoppity away from the computer.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Both of you are getting closer, I think.

    My brother discovered the incidents accidently, as Frchat says. And the rabbits were born and raised in captivity, as says Marylin.

    Due to the fact that the rabbits were in captivity for the growth experiment, my brother observed the injuries accidently, because he only was interested in weighting the rabbits. Although it wasn´t the topic on the growth experiment, he collected data about those injuries. And now, he want to say that he has used those data to perform a study about those injuries.

    That what I think. Do you understand me better?.

    Could it be so:

    “Data obtained over the course of a growth experiment on 96 cage-born wild rabbit kits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) was used. Over the course of the observation, accidental hind leg injuries were discovered, and these injuries were observed accidentally. These wild rabbit kits were kept in captivity for the growth experiment, and their progenitors originated on the Southern Iberian Peninsula.”

    (Is it accidently or accidentally?)

    Thanks you very much, Marylin and Frchat.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Data from a growth experiment on 96 wild cage-born rabbit kits (Oryctolagus cuniculus algirus) was used. Over the course of the observation, accidental hind leg injuries were unexpectedly discovered. Those incidents were subsequently recorded and used in my research study. Progenitors of these kits originated on the Southern Iberian Penisula.

    I am not quite sure whether we should leave data was or data were. Data is a plural form of the noun datum. Technically I believe we should change it to data were especially when everything else is so terribly technical. It's not to say that data was, isn't used but I wouldn't think it's 100% correct.

    Good luck.

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