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  1. #1
    AprilDewitt is offline Newbie
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    Default Please reveiw my introduction, How do I unscatter my outline?

    I had an assignment in my writing course to write an essay about any subject.
    Requirements-
    3-10 pages
    No quotes or paraphrasing

    I decided to write an essay about my aspirations.

    How do I vary sentence structure?
    How do I transition to the next paragraph?

    I wrote my introduction but I am experiencing writers block.

    How is my introduction, any suggestions?

    "Every individual has a memorable experience in their life that
    determines who they are to become, what they will accomplish and how
    they will understand their existence. My experiences have changed my
    perspective on life, improved my self-awareness and compelled me
    towards maturity. My aspirations and inspirations will motivate me to
    achieve greatness and help develop my own understanding of the unknown.
    I am a young woman who aspires to become a notable author, scientist,
    and atheist through using logic and reason. My purpose is to contribute
    evidence and knowledge to aid other humans in their pursuit of
    understanding life's phenomenons."

    I have more to add to this paragraph.

    I wrote my essay but all my thoughts seemed scattered even in my outline,
    the introduction is the only part of my essay that flows.
    I've been working on this essay for over a week.

    How do you motivate yourself when you have an assignment to complete?
    Last edited by AprilDewitt; 21-Sep-2009 at 03:20.

  2. #2
    Ann1977 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please reveiw my introduction, How do I unscatter my outline?

    It's been my observation that students stall out on things like "varying sentence structure" or polishing every word in the Intro paragraph when they don't have anything to say.

    I'm never sure which comes first --
    > Are they dithering around with trivia because they have nothing to say?
    > Or is this hypnotic fixation on trivia blocking their output?

    This is a difficult topic. When I tried to think of 5 paragraphs' topic sentences on the theme: My Aspirations -- I got nothing.

    I wonder if you should change your theme. If I were writing your paper, I would have a LOT to say on the topic: "Why I Am an Atheist"

    - First realization: Age 6 -- Santa Claus is a fake:
    1) That's when I learned that it profits me to greet every absurd assertion with skepticism
    2) That's when I realized that when people tell you all about an invisible magic being, they are messing with you

    - Search for verification or falsification of my atheism
    1) Nothing I ever read supported the idea
    2) In fact, the opposite: The more I read, the sillier it all became
    3) Comparative religious study taught me that one fairy tale for grown-ups has no more to support it than any other fairy tale for grown-ups
    4) Or any other fairy tale for children, if it comes to that

    - Disproving the existence of God
    1) It can be shown that God cannot exist in principle
    2) It can be shown that God does not exist in fact

    - Value of atheism
    1) Intellectual honesty
    2) Intellectual rigor
    3) Freedom from oppression

    and so on.

    I have a feeling atheists have a LOT to say.

    Once you have a lot to say, the mechanics are just mechanics. The problems with writing a long paper mostly solve themselves, and those that don't are easily fixed with common sense work.

    Best wishes in your studies
    ~ Ann

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