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  1. #1
    lindalouthan_45 is offline Newbie
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    Question proof read my paragraph

    My husband is a very special person in my life. I have known him for twenty-nine years and he has always been there. When i need support and comfort through the good and bad times, or when I have make decisions he is there to listen, lend moral support and cheer me on in my decisions. Then when I am to hear his booming voice and laughter as he tells a funny joke to pick up my mood. He is a muscular built man with a big kind and loving heart who would help anyone, he stands five feet and eleven inches tall, with dark brown hair the color of chocolate, eyes that are blue as the sky, and the sun cannot compare to his big wide smile. I am blessed to have him in my lif, as I feel his warm gentle touch or hear his loving words of encouragement. He is my soul mate, confidant, and my best friend.

  2. #2
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    Re: proof read my paragraph

    My husband is a very special person in my life. I have known him for twenty-nine years and he has always been there when i need support and comfort. He has stood by me through the good and bad times. When I have to make decisions, he is there to listen and lend moral support. He cheers me on in my decisions.
    When I hear his booming voice and laughter as he tells a funny joke, my mood is lifted.
    He is a muscular built man, standing five feet and eleven inches tall, with dark brown hair the color of chocolate, eyes that are blue as the sky, and a smile so wide the brilliance of sun cannot compare. He has a kind and loving heart that would help anyone.
    I know I am blessed to have him in my life when ever I feel his warm gentle touch or hear his loving words of encouragement. He is my soul mate, confidant, and my best friend.

  3. #3
    Ann1977 is offline Senior Member
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    Re: proof read my paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by lindalouthan_45 View Post
    My husband is a very special person in my life. I have known him for twenty-nine years and he has always been there. When i need support and comfort through the good and bad times, or when I have make decisions he is there to listen, lend moral support and cheer me on in my decisions. Then when I am to hear his booming voice and laughter as he tells a funny joke to pick up my mood. He is a muscular built man with a big kind and loving heart who would help anyone, he stands five feet and eleven inches tall, with dark brown hair the color of chocolate, eyes that are blue as the sky, and the sun cannot compare to his big wide smile. I am blessed to have him in my lif, as I feel his warm gentle touch or hear his loving words of encouragement. He is my soul mate, confidant, and my best friend.
    Linda, this was an assignment with challenges that you did not overcome.

    The passage is heavy with cliches, stale and trite thoughts, vague generalities, and generic statements. The few details are about the wrong things (his height - down to the inch!) Editing this would be like polishing shoes that are too worn out to be wearable.

    I think you need another direction on this -- maybe a "Funny Valentine" sort of thing.

    "My husband isn't rich and famous. He doesn't have a heroic job like James Bond. He's not handsome like Tom Cruise or muscular like Sammy Sosa. But when he brings home his paycheck, every penny of it disappears into the bank account that takes care of me and our children. It may not be a rich man's paycheck, but he spends it -- with love -- on his family. His job isn't about saving the world from evil madmen, but he gets up to do it every single morning -- summer or winter, rain or shine -- and that's heroic enough for me. He's not handsome, and his ears stick out, and he's losing his hair. But when I gaze at him, what I see is the man I love.

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